Ive been M.I.A around here these days and I strictly blame it on the fact that my eggo is preggo and to say its been tough is a understatement. Being pregnant with a toddler is a whole different ball game, my pregnancy with Bryson was a breeze. I was nauseous for 2 weeks at the most and only in those 2 weeks did I have cravings. This time around its been months of being sick, exhausted and wanting to kill someone for noodles and hot sauce. I sit and day dream about spinning a fork into a bowl of noodles drenched in hot sauce, I also would give my left leg for cake, cake, cake and more cake. Honestly come on baby your killing me. My husband has also maybe been home by dinner 4 times in the last 3 months, so its been Bryson and I figuring things out.
Ive had a lot of mommy guilt, If I'm honest Ive stayed awake a lot thinking. For one, threw my last 2 years of research on health the one main thing I learned is your diet in pregnancy determines a lot of things for your child, and the fact that I literally vomit when I see meat is more than frustrating to me. Secondly my milk supply has pretty much vanished and yes I understand that I nursed my son till he was 2 and that is plenty long, but Bryson is picky and I always rested assured that he was getting what he needed from me, now I worry when he refuses to eat meat and wants to eat fruit all day. It was also my safe haven when he was sick, I never had to worry about him being dehydrated, or if he refused medicine it was ok now its a different ball game.
Probably my most heartache is that Im mourning the end of a very big chapter in my life. The days of just Bryson and I. My husbands business has always been very demanding, He went back to work the day after Bryson was born, so it has been me and my son since day one figuring things out together. Bryson changed me, he not only made me a mother but he excepted me and adored me for exactly who I was. He inspired me to be better, to reach outside my comfort zone, to challenge what I knew. He is my buddy, the reason I am alive, and I just don't want our relationship to change. This in no way shape or form has anything to do with my new little boy, Im thrilled, in love and can't wait to meet him. This is life, the natural progression of it, time goes by, things change, I get, I like it, I just need to mourn it for a second. I need to mourn the loss of my 1st borns babyhood, the loss of my breast milk, and the quickness of life. I need to rejoice in gaining a beautiful gift of life, Rejoice in my family, rejoice in the natural progression of time. For thats what life is chapters ending and new ones starting over and over and over again.
Night Friends
