2014 oh you were good to me, I found out I was pregnant, traveled to France, Spain and back home a couple times, met my beautiful baby boy Torrey, overcame my fear of birth, learned more than Ive ever learned about myself and the world around me and watched my sweet Bryson become a big bother. Its one for the books I tell ya. As the year came to a close I really started to think about what I wanted to focus on for 2015 and what came up over and over again was "I want to focus on peace". I know that the pursuit of peace will be a life long journey but its something Id like to feel daily, its something I want in my soul. After Torrey was born I felt a bit out of control, its amazing to me how your kids can stir things up inside of you that were laying dormant for years. Or how fear can cause anger, and rage in the pit of your stomach. My children are my biggest teachers they have/do expose where I am weak and challenge me daily to grow. Torreys life exposed my lack of peace. looking in on my life you'd never know, Im pretty calm, I never yell, I don't loose it on my kids, but I do feel overwhelmed, I do want to yell, and I do get this feeling in my stomach of rage, this feeling of getting out of control, of wanting to loose it. Ugh I hate that feeling and I am determined to conquer it. Listening to Joyce Meyer the other day she said something profound " You do have a free will and you can make a choice" She talked about recognizing things when they 1st begin to happen so we can stop them before they build up. Im choosing to choose peace, Im not going to live with that feeling, I am refusing it. Not easy, straight up one of the toughest things I fight through daily but I am choosing peace. I think often about what I want my kids to say about their childhood, when they look back what do I want them to feel and then how do I create that. My biggest thing is I want them to smile and say " I remember feeling loved and cherished", and " I remember feeling safe and calm". I want my house to have peace, I want that not only for my children but for myself and for my marriage. So heres to 2015 and mastering my peace.
Nite nite friends
