Can Y'all do something for me? Take a nice deep lung filling breath.....Hmmmmm feels good right? Life is better, peaceful, clearer with deep breaths in it. I wish since birth we were taught this magical tip of just pausing in the midst of chaos, before we start to loose it, when that feeling in our gut is saying "your gonna get out of control". Oh how I wish we all just were wired to freeze and just close our eyes, fill those lungs and blow all that crazy out. Ive been working on just being really intentional, trying to be present and naming things as they arise. Ive noticed my biggest trigger these days is when Bryson isn't helping himself out. The kid won't eat even if he is starving, refuses to go potty even when he clearly has to and wakes up many days before he was done sleeping. The madness in my mind with these things will drive me to drink or drop a F bomb. Sometimes i want to just be so ridiculous and say "your not leaving the table until you eat your food" or "go back to bed right now you are not waking up" or "your sitting on the potty right this second and not getting off until you pee" haha As if I could force someone to eat, sleep and pee what am I running a jail. So alas I take a nice big deep breath and let it go or laugh it off or say a F bomb in my head and carry on. Trying to remind myself of the big picture of raising children who can help themselves, who have great body autonomy and take charge and responsibility for who they are and not be puppets on a string. My friends I'm here to tell you this is hard work, sometimes I question my capability as a mother. Some days I say "God what in the world were you thinking allowing humans to raise each other, I mean common that was a really stupid idea. I'm thankful and all but man can I get a little guidance here because I seriously don't know what Im doing". I had a friend say to me " Im pretty sure raising kids is more about growing myself then anything". Well isn't that the truth teach me my teachers. My little bundles of pure perfection that drive me into insanity are the biggest teachers of my life and Im thankful for the struggle, really thankful for the awakening and the drive to press on and learn, but man is it hard sometimes. Im reading the book 21 ways to find peace and happiness by Joyce Myer and she says something in there that so resonated with me Ive thought about it everyday since I read it she says "It is actually extremely foolish to dread things we must do and know we will do" What the what!! holy hannah bell I get it. Why would you dread life, why not find a way to go threw it with peace in your heart. Torrey started army crawling at 4.5 months old and my first thought was "seriously why couldn't you start moving at 9 months" i actually started dreading an amazing achievement that my baby had why? Because I wanted my life to be easy. I stole my own joy because of laziness. Talk about silly. Being aware of my feelings and inner battles is leading me to a place of peace, having the wisdom to stop and take a deep breath brings ultimate joy and letting things go and finding humor in the chaos is so freeing. I pray one day I master these things or at least pass them on to my children we all deserve to live free from all the baggage.
So once again everyone take a deep breath with me.
nite nite friends
