2 years

Its the eve of your second birthday and my heart is happy. I look back over the last two years and I just can't even believe that I get to be your mommy, I get to go on this journey with you. Man Im thankful to God for that. Ive dreamed of you for as long as I can remember, I used to sit and think what you'd look like, what your personality would be like, the sound of your laugh, the way it would feel to be a mom. No dream could have ever compared to how great it really is, no words can fully describe this insane love, its simply the best you my sweet heart are pure Joy. These last two years you've stretched and pulled me, you've exposed things in me I never knew existed, you've taught me invaluable lessons that I would have never had the opportunity to learn. Im internally grateful to you for these lessons and for the many more lessons you will teach me. Thank you for changing me, thank you for teaching me so much. I wanted to share with you all that Ive learned:

You've taught me that good parenting has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. My attitude, my expectations, my self care, my personal growth. That its completely unfair to get upset with you for my own short comings. Ive apologized a lot in these short 2 years and Im guessing I will be apologizing until Im old and grey. I do promise you this though I will continue to be better, I will always try to be a better me.  I pray you grow up with the same desire.

You've taught me that unconditional love is a gift, that its rare. It requires me to strip away all of my expectations and just accept. To allow you to be you, to give you the freedom and space to fail, and to leave my opinion and judgement out of it. To show you empathy in times of your weakness and to trust that you are capable of making good choices. This is easier said than done my son but Im working on it daily.

You've taught me that good relationships take mighty work. They take great sacrifice, compromise, and a willingness to be better. They take intention, If I want to have a great connection with you I have to be intentional. I have to take the time, I have to plan I have to be conscious about how I spend my time.

You've taught me to slow down, to stop doing things that aren't important. To really cherish my time with you for I will never get yesterday back. 

You've taught me to love myself. For its not possible to truly love someone else if you 1st don't love yourself. You can't give something away that you don't have. For so many years I hated so many things about myself, I hid behind so much, I spent so much time trying to please everyone else. This is still a work in progress for me but daily Im putting more worth on myself and less on what others think. 

You've taught me to be a student again. When you were 1st born I listened to everything everyone said feeling overwhelmed and confused most of the time. Ive finally found my truth and the confidence in it.  You gave me the courage to ask questions, to not except things that dont feel right and to dig into information. You've inspired me to learn again and to seek truth. 

You've taught me respect. Its sad to say I didn't understand it before. You don't respect someone if you force things on them, shame, blame or punish them. Thats dis respect and its everywhere in our society. Ive fought hard for this, Ive had to rewire my brain and it has not been easy, but you deserve it. every human being deserves it.

You've taught me the importance of self growth, that I should constantly be on the pursuit to become my best self. The world deserves that, I deserve that, and YOU deserve that. 30 years from now I will be confident in my journey not looking back and wondering what could have been or who I could have become because I will have become that.

You've taught me to leave this world a better place then what it was when I got here. To work hard for the good, to plan for a better tomorrow. So that you will have the courage to go on my shoulders and leave it even better.

You've shown me the goodness of our heavenly father, threw you I see and feel him. I understand his love for me and the world. I never understood Gods grace until I became a parent, I get it now, I feel it now. 

You've taught me to live in a way I won't regret. There has not been a day thats gone by that I haven't smelt your hair, watched you play, studied your facial expressions, laughed with you, gotten on the floor with you, enjoyed you, given my all to you, tried my hardest to be better, to get to know you better. I will never look back and think I should have loved on you more because every single day Ive done that. 

You my son are a gift, a gift I treasure. I will never be able to give to you all that you have already given to me. 

Happy Birthday my little boy all of my heart and soul loves all of your heart and soul. 

xoxo 

mommy