To L.O.V.E thy self

Im currently reading John Maxwells book : The 15 invaluable laws of growth. He stresses the importance of understanding your personality type and finding out what your strengths and weakness's are. He suggested taking a couple personality tests to get started, I found out that Im very introverted. This didnt exactly come as a surprise to me it actually makes perfect sense, but it was something I fought for a very long time. I always thought that wanting to play and day dream alone was wrong, that my anxiety over big crowds or mindless small talk was something that needed "fixing". I never looked at my introverted ways as a positive and I was always constantly trying to be something I wasn't by burrowing those things deep inside and copying more extroverted people.

Now dont get me wrong I love people, I need people, but people drain me and I need a break from them. I love small group settings with close friends where we get deep and talk about meaningful things, mindless small talk gives me anxiety. Walking into a big room full of people that I dont know makes me want to vomit, I usually run straight to the bathroom and sit in the stall while I give myself a little pep talk. Conflict makes me physically ill, if I have to see someone that I have tension with I instantly have to use the washroom, and I get a stomach before seeing them. Im a day dreamer, my head is stuck in the clouds more then Id like to admit.  Im also a very fragile soul people need to be VERY careful what they say to me the sting of a brash word lingers for a very long time with me. If you've hurt me I put up a emotional wall from you to protect myself, never allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with you again. Im also very in-tune with others emotions, I love watching peoples facial expressions. The terrible things in the world lay incredibly heavy on my heart. I cant watch things on the SPCA, or read about child abductions, or see a old man or women working at a fast food place. It makes me heart hurt, While working in Africa with orphans I would hold them and just cry at the thought that they would have no one to fearlessly and ferociously love them all the days of their lives. I watch movies like hotel Rwanda, or blood diamond and my soul aches I feel physically sick and troubled by these things.
You see I never celebrated these things as strengths, I was often labeled as dramatic, so I kept my true emotions to myself a lot of the time. Instead of looking at myself as very creative, compassionate, observant individual who had a lot to offer the world, I saw someone who needed to change. My son is very much my child, he is as of right now a introvert. I get him, I honor him in this area, as I think its very cool to have someone that I understand so much. When we get to a new place it takes him a good 30 minutes before he feels comfortable to start showing his true self. When people say things like "oh he is so shy" I want to deck them. Labeling people especially children is hurtful and its also untrue. My son is not shy, he is an observer, he likes to watch and see whats going on before he joins, he needs to know he is safe and feel comfortable. I think thats cool, I think its wise. Just because a child is outgoing and socially independent doesnt equal good parenting, just like if a child is reserved and dependent doesnt equal poor parenting. Its two completely different personality types. One is not better then the other they are just different. My son is not comfortable being dropped off somewhere and told to go make friends while I work out, no matter how much Ive prepared him for it, just like I dont like going to an event that I dont know anyone no matter how much Ive thought about.

There is a family we know with 2 boys one is 8 the other is 6 to say that they are opposites is a understatement. The older boy is a complete introvert, while all the kids are playing you can usually find him in his bedroom playing by himself. He is insanely creative, if you take the time to get to know him he will blow your mind with his thought process. He is also very sensitive, at his 8th birthday party he spent most of it crying and stressed out. I hear him often ask his mom and dad " do you love me?" "am I helpful?" "Am I good?". The younger brother is a wild, outgoing, fun little boy. He is easy to like, fun to be around, the life of the party. I would like to see him when he goes to collage because he will probably be the next Van Wilder. These boys need to be parented very differently, the parents need to figure out how to make each of the boys hearts sing. On the surface you would look and think my God the older boy is a little strange, and needy, but the younger boy is so fun and easy which is so shallow and very far from reality. Thats how I think society views introverts and extroverts. Introverts take awhile to crack their shell, they dont give their heart to everyone, but once your in its a very special gift because few people get to really know the heart of an introvert. Some of the best poets, song writers, authors, philanthropist, and world changers are introverts.   Until we can truly except, and learn to love our children, spouses, friends the way that they need to be loved, we will never truly know them. Until we stop thinking that we need to change each other to be more like some ideal you have placed in your head we cant enjoy our differences. We need introverts just as much as extroverts.  The fact that we are all different is what makes the world interesting, we all have something to offer.

Nite Nite Friends

Its time for a wake up call.

So for those of you who dont know we just finished moving to a new house/ new neighborhood just over a week ago. This is our 4th place in 4.5 years of marriage and its Bryson's 3rd home already, to put it lightly Im over moving, so OVER moving. This time though I love our house we have a yard, its all one level, its been renovated, Im thrilled with it and so is Bryson. Here is the BUT, Im a good 30 minutes away from a decent grocery store. This might sound ridiculous to you so hear me out. Ive been going to sprouts which is 10 mins from my new place its ok it has some of the things I buy but the organic section is small and meat options are very very limited. Albertsons is literally 2 mins from my house, so off I went. It was a bit of a deer in headlights moment, I walked aimlessly around the produce section searching for the word organic, I finally asked a man unpacking limes and he said " oh yes mam right over there" to which I turned and saw half a wall with maybe 5 options of fruit and vegetables that were all on the verge of rotting. I managed to pick out 5 yams, a bag of carrots, and a cucumber. I walked to the meat department and just stared at all the pre packaged meat, I stopped a employee and asked "where is the organic meat?" he replied " ummmm I dont think we have that" he then checked with the butcher and Nope not one single organic piece of meat in that HUGE grocery store. I went to egg isle NOPE not one carton of organic eggs. So I checked out with 5 yams, a bag of carrots, 1 cucumber and 1 beach ball. I left feeling so so sad for this country so sad for my son, how is it that in the hugest grocery store I have no options to eat clean, healthy food? how is this possible? How did we let this happen? I so badly wanted to walk back in there and ask people if they really knew what they were buying, if they really knew what they were feeding their families. You see if you knowingly want to eat inhumanely raised meat, injected with antibiotics, washed in ammonia and fed GMO feed that rots in their stomachs because they are not meant to eat feed, then hey all the power to you. if youd like to then wash it down with GMO and preservative filled juice then thats your choice. But dont you think we should have the choice to opt out? and there should be another option? I mean HELLO this is the United States of America after all.

 You know how packets of cigarettes have pictures of lung cancer, and are covered in warning labels because well we all know smoking is bad for us right? since we know that we are saying "hey here are the risks do with them what you like, this is a free country so if you knowingly want to cause harm to your body then you have the option to do so, but we have done our part in warning you about it and we dont allow it around people who choose not to smoke". So why isnt this the same for our food? I mean how about we place a picture on all our meat, dairy, eggs of the animal in its living arrangements and label all potential health risks from consuming that product and give more than one option of things to consume. Then if you dont want to eat something that is banned in other countries and knowingly causes cancer, obesity, food allergies, diabetes etc then you dont have to, and if you do want to eat it then go nuts. 

Because we all know you dont get lung cancer from smoking one cigarette, just like you dont become obese by eating at mcdonalds once. Its the everyday thing that causes these problems and not having options and forcing this disgusting food into our homes is not right. I shouldnt be forced to drive 30 minutes to buy groceries that I feel comfortable feeding to my family. Nor should someone be forced to buy groceries that they have NO CLUE what they are, that are labeled so poorly with words like "all natural" and "cage free" that are a bunch of malarky.  

You know that the US has the most obese people in the world? We are the 7th highest cancer rate worldwide. 1/54 children have some form of autism, 1/10 people have diabetes, food allergies are at all time high. We spend BILLIONS!! BILLIONS!! 220 billion dollars alone on diabetes.  When are we going to stop and ask ourselves what we are doing? When are we going to stop being so ignorant in thinking our government has our best interest? When are we going to catch up to other countries and start banning things that knowingly are harmful to our bodies and our country? WHEN? WHEN? Because not having options in the "greatest country in the world" is not acceptable and its time we wake up and start protecting our health. 

Nite nite friends

P.s I thought I'd share with you my dinner luckily I had some organic bacon and chicken sausage and squash in my fridge and some tomatoes from my garden.

Yams hash with cucumber, carrot, tomato salad

1. Fry bacon and set aside ( I use organic, nitrate free bacon)

2. sauté yams and squash in bacon grease (remember fat is good for you)

3. cut up sausage and bacon and add to yam mixture 

4. Enjoy :) 

p.s this is great for leftovers throw it in with some eggs in the morning and you have breakfast

Salad: 

1. cut up cucumber, carrots and tomatoes

2. Toss with sea salt, apple cider vinegar and avocado oil

3. Enjoy :) 

negative illusion

Can I vent? rant? cry? and maybe even hide? The realization of the worlds influence on my son is frightening. I dont like it, it makes me cringe. Bryson has been picking things up from other children and adults and I have no control over this. You see Im a very VERY intentional parent, I think before I speak, I analyze situations with him to see how I can make it better the next time, I eliminate things from my vocabulary so I come across in a positive manner, I read read READ so i can understand whats going on in my little mans brain and so that I become better myself so I can influence him in a positive way. I work so hard at this and to think that someone else's mindlessness their complete unintentional negative ways can stick to my son like glue.
It makes me want to build a house around him, I understand this sounds crazy and I in no way shape or form want to shelter him I believe we all need to see the world, experience culture feel dirt between our toes, struggle in the rawness of being human, see truth in all its glory. This is so very contrary to sheltering, its protection, its my momma bear ferociousness. I want to protect him from this perception of negativity, mediocrity, dis respect, hatred, this tainted society that is so careless with words and gestures. This isn't the truth of the world its an negative illusion, hurting people hurt people and there are a lot of hurting people out there.
 I want Bryson to the see the world for all its possibilities, for its beauty, its kindness, its magic, its opportunity to become. I cry at the thought that some stranger could carelessly say something that can stick with you forever. My friend recently told me of a time when she was a teenager at the beach and two guys were there and one said "wow check out that girls rack" and the other guy said "ya but look at her face." This lie this complete carelessness has stuck with my friend her whole adult life she is beautiful they were wrong they didnt even know her and look how much power they have. I think about when Bryson will go over to friends houses as he gets older and how he will be exposed to how other people live, what if they yell at him? what if they make him do something he doesnt want to do? I hate this I hate this reality and I know the only answer is that I build the strongest connection possible with him, that I overflow his cup, that I love that boy hard every single day, and that I pray that the world shows him empathy. You know becoming a parent has given me this overwhelming need to get on my knees with God. So many times i just need to stop and be still in my heavenly fathers warmth and say "God help me, show me, guide me, move me, I need you, I need your kindness, I need your grace"

Nite nite Friends