To L.O.V.E thy self

Im currently reading John Maxwells book : The 15 invaluable laws of growth. He stresses the importance of understanding your personality type and finding out what your strengths and weakness's are. He suggested taking a couple personality tests to get started, I found out that Im very introverted. This didnt exactly come as a surprise to me it actually makes perfect sense, but it was something I fought for a very long time. I always thought that wanting to play and day dream alone was wrong, that my anxiety over big crowds or mindless small talk was something that needed "fixing". I never looked at my introverted ways as a positive and I was always constantly trying to be something I wasn't by burrowing those things deep inside and copying more extroverted people.

Now dont get me wrong I love people, I need people, but people drain me and I need a break from them. I love small group settings with close friends where we get deep and talk about meaningful things, mindless small talk gives me anxiety. Walking into a big room full of people that I dont know makes me want to vomit, I usually run straight to the bathroom and sit in the stall while I give myself a little pep talk. Conflict makes me physically ill, if I have to see someone that I have tension with I instantly have to use the washroom, and I get a stomach before seeing them. Im a day dreamer, my head is stuck in the clouds more then Id like to admit.  Im also a very fragile soul people need to be VERY careful what they say to me the sting of a brash word lingers for a very long time with me. If you've hurt me I put up a emotional wall from you to protect myself, never allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with you again. Im also very in-tune with others emotions, I love watching peoples facial expressions. The terrible things in the world lay incredibly heavy on my heart. I cant watch things on the SPCA, or read about child abductions, or see a old man or women working at a fast food place. It makes me heart hurt, While working in Africa with orphans I would hold them and just cry at the thought that they would have no one to fearlessly and ferociously love them all the days of their lives. I watch movies like hotel Rwanda, or blood diamond and my soul aches I feel physically sick and troubled by these things.
You see I never celebrated these things as strengths, I was often labeled as dramatic, so I kept my true emotions to myself a lot of the time. Instead of looking at myself as very creative, compassionate, observant individual who had a lot to offer the world, I saw someone who needed to change. My son is very much my child, he is as of right now a introvert. I get him, I honor him in this area, as I think its very cool to have someone that I understand so much. When we get to a new place it takes him a good 30 minutes before he feels comfortable to start showing his true self. When people say things like "oh he is so shy" I want to deck them. Labeling people especially children is hurtful and its also untrue. My son is not shy, he is an observer, he likes to watch and see whats going on before he joins, he needs to know he is safe and feel comfortable. I think thats cool, I think its wise. Just because a child is outgoing and socially independent doesnt equal good parenting, just like if a child is reserved and dependent doesnt equal poor parenting. Its two completely different personality types. One is not better then the other they are just different. My son is not comfortable being dropped off somewhere and told to go make friends while I work out, no matter how much Ive prepared him for it, just like I dont like going to an event that I dont know anyone no matter how much Ive thought about.

There is a family we know with 2 boys one is 8 the other is 6 to say that they are opposites is a understatement. The older boy is a complete introvert, while all the kids are playing you can usually find him in his bedroom playing by himself. He is insanely creative, if you take the time to get to know him he will blow your mind with his thought process. He is also very sensitive, at his 8th birthday party he spent most of it crying and stressed out. I hear him often ask his mom and dad " do you love me?" "am I helpful?" "Am I good?". The younger brother is a wild, outgoing, fun little boy. He is easy to like, fun to be around, the life of the party. I would like to see him when he goes to collage because he will probably be the next Van Wilder. These boys need to be parented very differently, the parents need to figure out how to make each of the boys hearts sing. On the surface you would look and think my God the older boy is a little strange, and needy, but the younger boy is so fun and easy which is so shallow and very far from reality. Thats how I think society views introverts and extroverts. Introverts take awhile to crack their shell, they dont give their heart to everyone, but once your in its a very special gift because few people get to really know the heart of an introvert. Some of the best poets, song writers, authors, philanthropist, and world changers are introverts.   Until we can truly except, and learn to love our children, spouses, friends the way that they need to be loved, we will never truly know them. Until we stop thinking that we need to change each other to be more like some ideal you have placed in your head we cant enjoy our differences. We need introverts just as much as extroverts.  The fact that we are all different is what makes the world interesting, we all have something to offer.

Nite Nite Friends