My son.....

I sit here  tonight with a heavy heart..... My baby is going threw his 1st really hard experience, and my heart feels like its being pulled right out of my chest. Halloween night as i was rushing to get dinner ready I burnt the potatoes, the dame potatoes. The fire alarm blasted threw the house, for a second I thought a police car was in my living room (it was that loud).  I looked over at my son across the room and he was in full blown terror, screaming like Ive never seen. I scoop him up and try desperately to turn the stupid thing off. Nothing was working, I put him down grabbed a chair and pulled the thing from the ceiling and it STILL kept going off.  Finally I got some sense in me and ran outside, we waited there until it shut off. My son was paralyzed with fear, he sat wrapped around my body squeezing as tight as possible, repeating over and over again " Noise, Bryson sad" :( I hugged on him, loved on him, spoke life into him ........nothing helped. My husband came home and loved on him some more but all he would say is "Noise, Bryson sad"  Getting his costume out and painting my face finally got some smiles out of him and my son was back. We had a great night, he was a pro trick or treater, and the cutest Charlie Chaplin you ever did see. Once we got home and got ready for bed, he REFUSED to go to sleep unless it was on my chest, he woke up multiple times in the night screaming until I touched him and let him know I was right beside him. He has woken up like that the last 4 nights, he wants to nurse all night long and today he woke up screaming from his nap. He refuses to go anywhere near the hallway where the alarm is, he buries his little head in my neck and refuses to look up until we are in a bedroom. The look on his face before I walk into the hallway brings tears to my eyes, so much fear.  Tonight he was playing with his cars on the floor so I got up to go to the bathroom when I returned he was sitting staring blankly into the ground. I said "buddy whats going on?" He looked up at me with eyes filled with tears, ran over to me and buried his head in my neck, squeezing me with everything he had. Ugh my son, my son my heart cant take your pain.  I sat there telling him, how much I loved him, how I would do everything I could to protect him, if he needed to cry this was a safe place. I prayed over him, I squeezed him back, I cried silent tears.  Ive said it many times before my son is fragile, my son is just like his momma. As hard as it is to have a child this sensitive it is such gift, like Rachel Rainbolt says: the reward is big. They love so BIG!! I will shed many tears over my son, as I watch him grow, I will worry A LOT, but that boy will change the world with his heart. Writing in his journal tonight I told him " I promise to honor your spirit, to respect it, and to water it so that it grows into a great strength, you my love can change the world with your fragile heart.... you really really can."   Im thankful I get to be this boys mommy, he will allow me to stretch, grow, and become who I am supposed to be. This kid is a gift, a beautiful gift.

nite nite friends