Lori Petro

I just finished taking Lori Petro's class on communication I had so many hail mary moments. If you havent heard of Lori's work she is pretty special, she owns teach through love and her back story is truly inspirational. This lady rocks she's brilliant, simple, kind, her message is clear and just makes so much sense. I can not say enough about her work she will make a difference, she will change your relationships, she will change the way you think. Take her class, watch her videos, you will not regret it.
I need to document some of my hail mary moments because they were so profound for me. Lori spends a lot of her time helping us to understand ourselves, our triggers, our feelings, our needs. In the first class she talked about what happens before the feeling, what makes the feeling? Our need!! (stay with me) If we are hopping mad and yelling at our child or spouse saying something like "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME". Where is that coming from? Stop for a second what do you need? To be heard? to be validated? to be understood? But you see this is YOUR need not your childs not your spouse, not your friends. They might have a different need at that moment, your needs are not matching which is making you think its THEM who is the problem. When in reality its YOUR need, YOUR trigger, not theirs. When we get in tune with our "self care" and begin regulating ourselves intentionally you start to see things unfold. My husband and I were going down a slippery slope and a argument was about to take place. I stoped and said what do I need? I need to understand.... what do I think he needs? I think he needs to be trusted. How can we bridge this gap? When we can identify our needs and try to identify our childs or loved ones we come to the table with a different mind set they are no longer a threat they are human, an imperfect human with real needs, with past experiences, or for our childs sake a lack of past experiences. We now can have compassion but this can only happen when we are self regulated and in tune with ourselves. Ummm can I get a HOLY crap why didnt I know this my whole life. It makes my brain hurt sometimes it makes so much sense. I have literally spent A LOT of time thinking about this, how many arguments with my husband would have been saved if we had been in touch with this.

Lori asked powerful questions in class number 3 what are you trying to communicate? What is your intention? What are you saying? Why are you saying it? Are you guiding and teaching or directing and demanding?  I feel like as parents sometimes we say things to just say things or make ourselves feel good, and I loved that she challenges us to think about why we are saying them. What is the point of our words?

We focused a lot about allowing children to develop as problem solvers, I have previously read a lot about this but its something I continually need to flood my brain with as its easier to fix Brysons problems then it is to teach him how to solve them. Which does not help him in the wrong run or set him up for success in the real world. A tool she suggested to use is say observations rather then judgments. Ex You were not done playing with that toy, and Alex wanted the toy so bad he took it from you? You feel really angry. What could we do to fix this?  She says to always stay on your children's side your not a threat and this isnt a emergency so dont act like it. Example: Your two sons are playing and the younger one starts crying, instead of walking in the room and saying"what did you do" (threat) say an observation with a question ex: I see your little brother is sad, can you tell me what happened? He knocked down your tower of blocks that you were working really hard on? I bet that made you feel frustrated. He is really upset right now I'm wondering what we could do to make him feel better? You dont know? Maybe we can do a group hug and then you can include him on building your tower, does that work for you?  I just loved this and there are of course a million different ways these conversation can go but being on your kids side, helping them process and work threw situation and problem solve helps them access their higher brain function!!! BRILLANT amazing......

A couple extremely helpful tools I took away from her class is: Praise effort not results ex.. I noticed you working so hard to build your tower you never gave up no matter how many times the blocks fell, you should be so proud of your work. Dont tell kids your opinion of their life ex good job sharing Instead tell them what impact it made Ex Did you see Sarah's face when you shared your teddy bear? She smiled so big I bet she felt special.

Kids are literal and simple say what you want them to do not what you dont want them to do. This leaves no room for interpretation and is more positive. Ex Dont come by the oven as I open it its hot instead say: I need you to hold on to this cupboard while I open the oven because it hot. This works so well with Bryson I cant even tell you.

Some connecting phrases: Im wondering (how your feeling) (if that made you mad) (what we should do next)

I noticed: I noticed (how sad that made you feel) (you cleaned up your room)

Dont de value others feeling with But..... Your so sad because we have to leave the park but I gave you plenty of time to play. Drop the But dont explain why you are right just let them feel.

Lastly ask kids how that made them feel: When they rebel against what you have asked or the limits you set ask them " How did that make you feel when I asked you to put the dishes in the dishwasher?" or "Im wondering whats going on for you not to hold up to our agreement to clean up your room?", "it doesnt work for me for you to not clean your room, I need order in the house. So how can we work together so  we both feel good about this"  Isnt that just so respectful? Honestly my mind was opened and is expanding. Its not easy for me but Im working hard to change the way I say things and to uncover my triggers and needs. What a better world we would live in if we all did the same.

I cant wait to take more of her classes and re listen to our class playbacks for me I need to re visit things over and over again for them to stick.

Lori ends each video and class with : "Its not about perfection, its about consciousness" :) Beautiful

How can we be a little more conscious today?

Have a great day friends