Three weeks ago Bryson and I flew up to Kelowna to be with my family for christmas. This was Brysons 8th flight in 2 years Id say we are pretty good at traveling together now, I call him my seasoned pro. The toddler 3 rows back from us was anything but a seasoned pro that poor girl wanted to be anywhere but on a air plane. Over the 3 hour flight I watched as annoyed passengers rolled eyes, huffed and puffed, one man even took it as far as to smack the back of his hand as if to say he was going to smack the child. The poor mother was flustered, and desperate for her child to just be quite. She kept shushing her and putting her in time out by strapping her into the seat so she couldn't move. This of course made things much worse. Wheels touched down, the flight was over, Bryson jumped up on the seat and was looking at the people all around. The lady behind us said to him " What a good boy you are, thank you for not breaking my ear drum". Another man said " I didn't even know you had a child on here what a good boy you have". As I walked off the plane a lady said " what a well behaved son you have, he didn't make a sound, unlike that other child." I replied " I know poor thing" Her response was "poor thing? more like spoiled brat". Ummm what? Can someone please explain this to me? If a child is quite and doesn't bother your life then they are good? But if they are having a hard time they are a spoiled brat? Where does this attitude come from?
Brysons top 3 favorite things are 1. His mommy 2. Reading stories 3. coloring he also is not a high energy child, and well he has been flying since he was 2 months old. So naturally as long as Im prepared with stories, coloring books, and good snacks the flight is a breeze. For a child who is high energy, who needs to move flying is a nightmare especially with a unprepared mother who is flustered. This does not make bryson good and it especially does not make the other child bad. Why do we think this way? Why are such high expectations placed on children? This poor toddler was in a strange place, where she was forced to sit still, her mom had annoyed eyeballs on her making her unkind to her, there was nothing to distract her. I mean this poor girl was anything but spoiled it was actually the opposite none of this girls needs were being met, where all of Brysons needs were being met making him "spoiled". Why don't we have more grace? Why don't we have more empathy? Why do we have such bad attitudes toward children?
Its almost like we are so obsessed with having well behaved children, that their humanness means we fail as parents. Sometimes I feel that christians parents have the hardest time with this, the desperation to have obedient children. What does this show your child? A true picture of who their heavenly father is? A good understanding of Gods love? I often wonder why so many adolescent kids leave the church. My guess is that they haven't been given the freedom to be, the freedom to be human. That from a early age these huge expectations have been held over their heads, with shame and guilt. Making this God so untouchable, so judgmental. So they leave to find acceptance in people, places and things. Leaving their parents saying "where did we go wrong"? Not ever realizing that they never truly painted a true picture of Gods wondrous love. What if God treated us like that? With control, expectation, guilt, shame and punishment? Then called it "unconditional" love and said "I only do it because I love you" Confusing isn't it?
I wonder what would have happened if every time that mother made eye contact with someone on that flight they smiled, gave a kind nod. Even went as far to touch her arm and say " don't worry my daughter always had a hard time on air planes" and offered her daughter a sticker, or something to play with from their purse. I wonder if that would then give that mother the grace to look at her child with kind eyes saying " I know its hard and you want to run and jump, but what else could be do to pass the time? Would you like to tell stories or look at all the clouds out the window". What if we stopped labeling children as good or bad, or thinking they needed to fit into our box of expectations. I wonder what kind of adults they would turn out to be.
Nite nite friends
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
2 years
You've taught me that good parenting has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. My attitude, my expectations, my self care, my personal growth. That its completely unfair to get upset with you for my own short comings. Ive apologized a lot in these short 2 years and Im guessing I will be apologizing until Im old and grey. I do promise you this though I will continue to be better, I will always try to be a better me. I pray you grow up with the same desire.
You've taught me that unconditional love is a gift, that its rare. It requires me to strip away all of my expectations and just accept. To allow you to be you, to give you the freedom and space to fail, and to leave my opinion and judgement out of it. To show you empathy in times of your weakness and to trust that you are capable of making good choices. This is easier said than done my son but Im working on it daily.
You've taught me that good relationships take mighty work. They take great sacrifice, compromise, and a willingness to be better. They take intention, If I want to have a great connection with you I have to be intentional. I have to take the time, I have to plan I have to be conscious about how I spend my time.
You've taught me to slow down, to stop doing things that aren't important. To really cherish my time with you for I will never get yesterday back.
You've taught me to love myself. For its not possible to truly love someone else if you 1st don't love yourself. You can't give something away that you don't have. For so many years I hated so many things about myself, I hid behind so much, I spent so much time trying to please everyone else. This is still a work in progress for me but daily Im putting more worth on myself and less on what others think.
You've taught me to be a student again. When you were 1st born I listened to everything everyone said feeling overwhelmed and confused most of the time. Ive finally found my truth and the confidence in it. You gave me the courage to ask questions, to not except things that dont feel right and to dig into information. You've inspired me to learn again and to seek truth.
You've taught me respect. Its sad to say I didn't understand it before. You don't respect someone if you force things on them, shame, blame or punish them. Thats dis respect and its everywhere in our society. Ive fought hard for this, Ive had to rewire my brain and it has not been easy, but you deserve it. every human being deserves it.
You've taught me the importance of self growth, that I should constantly be on the pursuit to become my best self. The world deserves that, I deserve that, and YOU deserve that. 30 years from now I will be confident in my journey not looking back and wondering what could have been or who I could have become because I will have become that.
You've taught me to leave this world a better place then what it was when I got here. To work hard for the good, to plan for a better tomorrow. So that you will have the courage to go on my shoulders and leave it even better.
You've taught me to leave this world a better place then what it was when I got here. To work hard for the good, to plan for a better tomorrow. So that you will have the courage to go on my shoulders and leave it even better.
You've shown me the goodness of our heavenly father, threw you I see and feel him. I understand his love for me and the world. I never understood Gods grace until I became a parent, I get it now, I feel it now.
You've taught me to live in a way I won't regret. There has not been a day thats gone by that I haven't smelt your hair, watched you play, studied your facial expressions, laughed with you, gotten on the floor with you, enjoyed you, given my all to you, tried my hardest to be better, to get to know you better. I will never look back and think I should have loved on you more because every single day Ive done that.
You my son are a gift, a gift I treasure. I will never be able to give to you all that you have already given to me.
Happy Birthday my little boy all of my heart and soul loves all of your heart and soul.
xoxo
mommy
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thankfulness
I sit here on the Eve of Thanksgiving, the fire crackling beside me, my husband snoring on the couch, and my baby sleeping peacefully in his bed. I have a full heart. I love Thanksgiving I love that it forces us to stop and see the good, to count our blessings big or small, to take a deep breath of thankfulness. There are oh so many things that make my heart thankful, isn't it amazing that when you sit down and think about it there are just so many amazing gifts life offers us. My biggest one being that little boy who just makes my heart explode with happiness, Im thankful that he allows me to grow and stretch and become better, that he exposes my weaknesses. Im oh so very thankful for my husband a man that works his fanny off, a good man, a man that when I think I might just kill him makes the stupidest joke in the world and makes me laugh. Im thankful for the ability to stay home and raise my son, its a gift I don't take for granted and I work tirelessly to be the best I can be in that area. Im thankful for my heavenly father who gives me grace, who lights my dark path, and who truly loves me for me. Im thankful for parents who still make me a priority, who sow into my life and Brysons life, who are always here to help, who care enough that it makes me feel special, makes me feel loved, makes me feel important. Im thankful that I live in a country that we can have free enterprise, that we can walk outside and feel safe, that we can raise our kids the way we want to and worship what God we want to. Im thankful to grow up in a time where information is everywhere and you can learn anything you want to learn. Im thankful for good food, for good knowledge about food and for the ability to buy good food. Im thankful that I live in a place that will be 70 degrees tomorrow and I can wear shorts. Im thankful for my health and for my families health and I pray that I will always be thankful for that. Im thankful that I could keep writing about all the things Im thankful for. What a life, what a great life.
Happy Thanksgiving friends may your hearts be over flowing.
nite nite
Happy Thanksgiving friends may your hearts be over flowing.
nite nite
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Gratitude
2013 was not our year for financial success, in fact it was doozy, but man Im thankful for that struggle. Im not a believer in everything happens for a reason in fact I find it so fu fu and gag worthy and quite frankly demeaning of any great struggle in anyones life. I came to this realization when I was in Africa 6 years ago. I to was like so many spoiled Canadians who grew up with a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, loving parents, and a full tummy day after day. So of course when I didn't get that job, or so and so dumped me I would insert the line " Well I guess everything happens for a reason so that just wasn't meant to be". Sitting in a huge open room with rows of cribs with no sheets, I sat holding this sweet baby Awa who I so desperately wanted to take home and make her mine. I was angry I was heart broken, a part of me hated this world, it was unfair, it was cruel. This sweet baby girl and so many other babies and children were dropped off at these doors either because there was no one to take care of them or no one could afford to take care them. It was in that room that I realized that no things don't happen for a reason, but we as resilient human beings can most certainly make a positive or negative lesson out of it. This year threw struggle Ive been pulled and stretched and given a choice and opportunity to learn for the better, to make a crappy situation a positive one.
Months ago Brett received a phone call that our biggest client who we depended on for 80% of our income was moving on to find cheaper labor, no warning, no apology nothing. The saying "Life can change in an instant", never felt more real when my husband called me to tell me the news. We had to let our employee go, he had 2 kids and a wife and just like that in one day we had to tell him he had no job. Ive never seen my husband suffer so much over the next 5 days the feeling of failing his family of total guilt for not "digging our well before we were thirsty". The feeling of "what the hell are we going to do". After 5 days we got another phone call that My husband can go back working on the airplanes there but instead of 40 - 50 hours a week it went down to 5- 10. Over the next couple of months we lost 2 other contracts, I have to say Im so unbelievably thankful that married someone who is persistent, and who is not afraid of hard work. My husband made phone call after phone call he talked to everyone he could to try and get more clients, he hustled his butt and took care of us. We have learned some major lessons this year that will change the way we live our lives and quite frankly the loss of money was worth it.
1.We learnt for one don't put all your eggs in one basket, nothing in life is guaranteed plan for that.
2. Manage your money or it will manage you (budget, stick to your budget and respect your budget)
3. Plan, Plan, plan and invest for the future it is coming faster than you think it is
4. Be content I used to think that being content meant being complacent and not wanting more out of life but in actuality it means having a peace, it means not caring what the world thinks of you or your situation.
5. The "stuff" doesn't matter we are scaling back our life clearing out the garbage of useless meaningless "things" and simplifying it. We are so over marketed in this country that we place worth in a pair of earrings, or a new cell phone its really bogus.
6. See the positive find the lesson and apply it. Otherwise you might just have to learn it again
7. Team work makes the dream work and husband and wives work so much better as a team
8. Work like it depends on you, and pray like it depends on God. Hard work is not over rated neither is prayer.
9. This too shall pass, not much in life is permanent, so work threw it.
I have a giant chalk board on our living room wall it says : "Gratitude turns what we have into enough" That is my motto these days
Nite nite friends
Months ago Brett received a phone call that our biggest client who we depended on for 80% of our income was moving on to find cheaper labor, no warning, no apology nothing. The saying "Life can change in an instant", never felt more real when my husband called me to tell me the news. We had to let our employee go, he had 2 kids and a wife and just like that in one day we had to tell him he had no job. Ive never seen my husband suffer so much over the next 5 days the feeling of failing his family of total guilt for not "digging our well before we were thirsty". The feeling of "what the hell are we going to do". After 5 days we got another phone call that My husband can go back working on the airplanes there but instead of 40 - 50 hours a week it went down to 5- 10. Over the next couple of months we lost 2 other contracts, I have to say Im so unbelievably thankful that married someone who is persistent, and who is not afraid of hard work. My husband made phone call after phone call he talked to everyone he could to try and get more clients, he hustled his butt and took care of us. We have learned some major lessons this year that will change the way we live our lives and quite frankly the loss of money was worth it.
1.We learnt for one don't put all your eggs in one basket, nothing in life is guaranteed plan for that.
2. Manage your money or it will manage you (budget, stick to your budget and respect your budget)
3. Plan, Plan, plan and invest for the future it is coming faster than you think it is
4. Be content I used to think that being content meant being complacent and not wanting more out of life but in actuality it means having a peace, it means not caring what the world thinks of you or your situation.
5. The "stuff" doesn't matter we are scaling back our life clearing out the garbage of useless meaningless "things" and simplifying it. We are so over marketed in this country that we place worth in a pair of earrings, or a new cell phone its really bogus.
6. See the positive find the lesson and apply it. Otherwise you might just have to learn it again
7. Team work makes the dream work and husband and wives work so much better as a team
8. Work like it depends on you, and pray like it depends on God. Hard work is not over rated neither is prayer.
9. This too shall pass, not much in life is permanent, so work threw it.
I have a giant chalk board on our living room wall it says : "Gratitude turns what we have into enough" That is my motto these days
Nite nite friends
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Bomb Chicken soup
I don't know about y'all but my household has been full of the cold virus, Ill be thrilled when I no longer have to wipe Bryson's faucet of a nose, and stop hacking up my lungs in the middle of the night. To desperately try and make my throat feel better i made this soup and it was BOMB and healthy and warm and the perfect november food so enjoy :)
P.s I don't measure anything in my life so I apologize :)
I used the leftover chicken from a whole chicken meal from a couple days before
1. Sauté onion and garlic with a nice heap of grass fed butter in a large pot
2. Add bone broth (you have to use homemade broth or it just won't taste the same) I made enough to freeze another meal it was 2.5 large mason jars full it also fed us lunch the next day
3. Add potatoes and sweet potatoes turn to medium heat and let simmer
4. Add spices (I let bryson help me out so we added a lot of them :) ) Oregano, basil, Thyme, celery salt, turmeric, sea salt, dill, pepper.
5. Add carrots, celery. I like hearty soup so I added lots so it was nice and thick
6. Let simmer until carrots are tender
7. cut chicken into chunks add and stir
8. EAT
Enjoy
nite nite friend
P.s I don't measure anything in my life so I apologize :)
I used the leftover chicken from a whole chicken meal from a couple days before
1. Sauté onion and garlic with a nice heap of grass fed butter in a large pot
2. Add bone broth (you have to use homemade broth or it just won't taste the same) I made enough to freeze another meal it was 2.5 large mason jars full it also fed us lunch the next day
3. Add potatoes and sweet potatoes turn to medium heat and let simmer
4. Add spices (I let bryson help me out so we added a lot of them :) ) Oregano, basil, Thyme, celery salt, turmeric, sea salt, dill, pepper.
5. Add carrots, celery. I like hearty soup so I added lots so it was nice and thick
6. Let simmer until carrots are tender
7. cut chicken into chunks add and stir
8. EAT
Enjoy
nite nite friend
Monday, November 4, 2013
My son.....
I sit here tonight with a heavy heart..... My baby is going threw his 1st really hard experience, and my heart feels like its being pulled right out of my chest. Halloween night as i was rushing to get dinner ready I burnt the potatoes, the dame potatoes. The fire alarm blasted threw the house, for a second I thought a police car was in my living room (it was that loud). I looked over at my son across the room and he was in full blown terror, screaming like Ive never seen. I scoop him up and try desperately to turn the stupid thing off. Nothing was working, I put him down grabbed a chair and pulled the thing from the ceiling and it STILL kept going off. Finally I got some sense in me and ran outside, we waited there until it shut off. My son was paralyzed with fear, he sat wrapped around my body squeezing as tight as possible, repeating over and over again " Noise, Bryson sad" :( I hugged on him, loved on him, spoke life into him ........nothing helped. My husband came home and loved on him some more but all he would say is "Noise, Bryson sad" Getting his costume out and painting my face finally got some smiles out of him and my son was back. We had a great night, he was a pro trick or treater, and the cutest Charlie Chaplin you ever did see. Once we got home and got ready for bed, he REFUSED to go to sleep unless it was on my chest, he woke up multiple times in the night screaming until I touched him and let him know I was right beside him. He has woken up like that the last 4 nights, he wants to nurse all night long and today he woke up screaming from his nap. He refuses to go anywhere near the hallway where the alarm is, he buries his little head in my neck and refuses to look up until we are in a bedroom. The look on his face before I walk into the hallway brings tears to my eyes, so much fear. Tonight he was playing with his cars on the floor so I got up to go to the bathroom when I returned he was sitting staring blankly into the ground. I said "buddy whats going on?" He looked up at me with eyes filled with tears, ran over to me and buried his head in my neck, squeezing me with everything he had. Ugh my son, my son my heart cant take your pain. I sat there telling him, how much I loved him, how I would do everything I could to protect him, if he needed to cry this was a safe place. I prayed over him, I squeezed him back, I cried silent tears. Ive said it many times before my son is fragile, my son is just like his momma. As hard as it is to have a child this sensitive it is such gift, like Rachel Rainbolt says: the reward is big. They love so BIG!! I will shed many tears over my son, as I watch him grow, I will worry A LOT, but that boy will change the world with his heart. Writing in his journal tonight I told him " I promise to honor your spirit, to respect it, and to water it so that it grows into a great strength, you my love can change the world with your fragile heart.... you really really can." Im thankful I get to be this boys mommy, he will allow me to stretch, grow, and become who I am supposed to be. This kid is a gift, a beautiful gift.
nite nite friends
nite nite friends
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Lori Petro
I just finished taking Lori Petro's class on communication I had so many hail mary moments. If you havent heard of Lori's work she is pretty special, she owns teach through love and her back story is truly inspirational. This lady rocks she's brilliant, simple, kind, her message is clear and just makes so much sense. I can not say enough about her work she will make a difference, she will change your relationships, she will change the way you think. Take her class, watch her videos, you will not regret it.
I need to document some of my hail mary moments because they were so profound for me. Lori spends a lot of her time helping us to understand ourselves, our triggers, our feelings, our needs. In the first class she talked about what happens before the feeling, what makes the feeling? Our need!! (stay with me) If we are hopping mad and yelling at our child or spouse saying something like "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME". Where is that coming from? Stop for a second what do you need? To be heard? to be validated? to be understood? But you see this is YOUR need not your childs not your spouse, not your friends. They might have a different need at that moment, your needs are not matching which is making you think its THEM who is the problem. When in reality its YOUR need, YOUR trigger, not theirs. When we get in tune with our "self care" and begin regulating ourselves intentionally you start to see things unfold. My husband and I were going down a slippery slope and a argument was about to take place. I stoped and said what do I need? I need to understand.... what do I think he needs? I think he needs to be trusted. How can we bridge this gap? When we can identify our needs and try to identify our childs or loved ones we come to the table with a different mind set they are no longer a threat they are human, an imperfect human with real needs, with past experiences, or for our childs sake a lack of past experiences. We now can have compassion but this can only happen when we are self regulated and in tune with ourselves. Ummm can I get a HOLY crap why didnt I know this my whole life. It makes my brain hurt sometimes it makes so much sense. I have literally spent A LOT of time thinking about this, how many arguments with my husband would have been saved if we had been in touch with this.
Lori asked powerful questions in class number 3 what are you trying to communicate? What is your intention? What are you saying? Why are you saying it? Are you guiding and teaching or directing and demanding? I feel like as parents sometimes we say things to just say things or make ourselves feel good, and I loved that she challenges us to think about why we are saying them. What is the point of our words?
We focused a lot about allowing children to develop as problem solvers, I have previously read a lot about this but its something I continually need to flood my brain with as its easier to fix Brysons problems then it is to teach him how to solve them. Which does not help him in the wrong run or set him up for success in the real world. A tool she suggested to use is say observations rather then judgments. Ex You were not done playing with that toy, and Alex wanted the toy so bad he took it from you? You feel really angry. What could we do to fix this? She says to always stay on your children's side your not a threat and this isnt a emergency so dont act like it. Example: Your two sons are playing and the younger one starts crying, instead of walking in the room and saying"what did you do" (threat) say an observation with a question ex: I see your little brother is sad, can you tell me what happened? He knocked down your tower of blocks that you were working really hard on? I bet that made you feel frustrated. He is really upset right now I'm wondering what we could do to make him feel better? You dont know? Maybe we can do a group hug and then you can include him on building your tower, does that work for you? I just loved this and there are of course a million different ways these conversation can go but being on your kids side, helping them process and work threw situation and problem solve helps them access their higher brain function!!! BRILLANT amazing......
A couple extremely helpful tools I took away from her class is: Praise effort not results ex.. I noticed you working so hard to build your tower you never gave up no matter how many times the blocks fell, you should be so proud of your work. Dont tell kids your opinion of their life ex good job sharing Instead tell them what impact it made Ex Did you see Sarah's face when you shared your teddy bear? She smiled so big I bet she felt special.
Kids are literal and simple say what you want them to do not what you dont want them to do. This leaves no room for interpretation and is more positive. Ex Dont come by the oven as I open it its hot instead say: I need you to hold on to this cupboard while I open the oven because it hot. This works so well with Bryson I cant even tell you.
Some connecting phrases: Im wondering (how your feeling) (if that made you mad) (what we should do next)
I noticed: I noticed (how sad that made you feel) (you cleaned up your room)
Dont de value others feeling with But..... Your so sad because we have to leave the park but I gave you plenty of time to play. Drop the But dont explain why you are right just let them feel.
Lastly ask kids how that made them feel: When they rebel against what you have asked or the limits you set ask them " How did that make you feel when I asked you to put the dishes in the dishwasher?" or "Im wondering whats going on for you not to hold up to our agreement to clean up your room?", "it doesnt work for me for you to not clean your room, I need order in the house. So how can we work together so we both feel good about this" Isnt that just so respectful? Honestly my mind was opened and is expanding. Its not easy for me but Im working hard to change the way I say things and to uncover my triggers and needs. What a better world we would live in if we all did the same.
I cant wait to take more of her classes and re listen to our class playbacks for me I need to re visit things over and over again for them to stick.
Lori ends each video and class with : "Its not about perfection, its about consciousness" :) Beautiful
How can we be a little more conscious today?
Have a great day friends
I need to document some of my hail mary moments because they were so profound for me. Lori spends a lot of her time helping us to understand ourselves, our triggers, our feelings, our needs. In the first class she talked about what happens before the feeling, what makes the feeling? Our need!! (stay with me) If we are hopping mad and yelling at our child or spouse saying something like "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME". Where is that coming from? Stop for a second what do you need? To be heard? to be validated? to be understood? But you see this is YOUR need not your childs not your spouse, not your friends. They might have a different need at that moment, your needs are not matching which is making you think its THEM who is the problem. When in reality its YOUR need, YOUR trigger, not theirs. When we get in tune with our "self care" and begin regulating ourselves intentionally you start to see things unfold. My husband and I were going down a slippery slope and a argument was about to take place. I stoped and said what do I need? I need to understand.... what do I think he needs? I think he needs to be trusted. How can we bridge this gap? When we can identify our needs and try to identify our childs or loved ones we come to the table with a different mind set they are no longer a threat they are human, an imperfect human with real needs, with past experiences, or for our childs sake a lack of past experiences. We now can have compassion but this can only happen when we are self regulated and in tune with ourselves. Ummm can I get a HOLY crap why didnt I know this my whole life. It makes my brain hurt sometimes it makes so much sense. I have literally spent A LOT of time thinking about this, how many arguments with my husband would have been saved if we had been in touch with this.
Lori asked powerful questions in class number 3 what are you trying to communicate? What is your intention? What are you saying? Why are you saying it? Are you guiding and teaching or directing and demanding? I feel like as parents sometimes we say things to just say things or make ourselves feel good, and I loved that she challenges us to think about why we are saying them. What is the point of our words?
We focused a lot about allowing children to develop as problem solvers, I have previously read a lot about this but its something I continually need to flood my brain with as its easier to fix Brysons problems then it is to teach him how to solve them. Which does not help him in the wrong run or set him up for success in the real world. A tool she suggested to use is say observations rather then judgments. Ex You were not done playing with that toy, and Alex wanted the toy so bad he took it from you? You feel really angry. What could we do to fix this? She says to always stay on your children's side your not a threat and this isnt a emergency so dont act like it. Example: Your two sons are playing and the younger one starts crying, instead of walking in the room and saying"what did you do" (threat) say an observation with a question ex: I see your little brother is sad, can you tell me what happened? He knocked down your tower of blocks that you were working really hard on? I bet that made you feel frustrated. He is really upset right now I'm wondering what we could do to make him feel better? You dont know? Maybe we can do a group hug and then you can include him on building your tower, does that work for you? I just loved this and there are of course a million different ways these conversation can go but being on your kids side, helping them process and work threw situation and problem solve helps them access their higher brain function!!! BRILLANT amazing......
A couple extremely helpful tools I took away from her class is: Praise effort not results ex.. I noticed you working so hard to build your tower you never gave up no matter how many times the blocks fell, you should be so proud of your work. Dont tell kids your opinion of their life ex good job sharing Instead tell them what impact it made Ex Did you see Sarah's face when you shared your teddy bear? She smiled so big I bet she felt special.
Kids are literal and simple say what you want them to do not what you dont want them to do. This leaves no room for interpretation and is more positive. Ex Dont come by the oven as I open it its hot instead say: I need you to hold on to this cupboard while I open the oven because it hot. This works so well with Bryson I cant even tell you.
Some connecting phrases: Im wondering (how your feeling) (if that made you mad) (what we should do next)
I noticed: I noticed (how sad that made you feel) (you cleaned up your room)
Dont de value others feeling with But..... Your so sad because we have to leave the park but I gave you plenty of time to play. Drop the But dont explain why you are right just let them feel.
Lastly ask kids how that made them feel: When they rebel against what you have asked or the limits you set ask them " How did that make you feel when I asked you to put the dishes in the dishwasher?" or "Im wondering whats going on for you not to hold up to our agreement to clean up your room?", "it doesnt work for me for you to not clean your room, I need order in the house. So how can we work together so we both feel good about this" Isnt that just so respectful? Honestly my mind was opened and is expanding. Its not easy for me but Im working hard to change the way I say things and to uncover my triggers and needs. What a better world we would live in if we all did the same.
I cant wait to take more of her classes and re listen to our class playbacks for me I need to re visit things over and over again for them to stick.
Lori ends each video and class with : "Its not about perfection, its about consciousness" :) Beautiful
How can we be a little more conscious today?
Have a great day friends
Thursday, October 24, 2013
I wonder
"Adolf Hitler entered this world as a promising young leader on April 20, 1889. He was one of three children born to Alois Hitler and Klara Polzl. Karla was protective and smothering, and Alois was hot-tempered and hard headed. At age twelve Adolf told his dad he wanted to be a priest, but Alois firmly rejected this career choice. Later, young Adolf talked about wanting to become an artist. Alois insisted Adolf could never make a living that way. After Alois Hitler died suddenly in 1903, fifteen year old Adolf traveled to Vienna to pursue a career in fine arts, but the art school rejected him for lack of creativity. He didnt want to return home, so he hung around in homeless shelters, with lots of time to read the anti-semitic books being circulated among the poor and homeless in Vienna. Finally, after experiencing rejection after rejection in Austria, Hitler decided to return to Germany and enlist in the army. He fought in World War 1, and for the first time he felt apart of something great, but germany lost the war. Feeling bitter and defeated, Hitler vowed that one day he would avenge himself and his country. The rest as they say, is history. "
This was told in a book I recently finished reading called Generation iY. After reading this story of Hitlers life I couldnt help but think of what if? I know that's an impossible question to ask but really... What if? What if his father believed in him, what if a teacher or friend had spoken positive into his life? What if?....... One of the greatest leaders of all time could have changed the world for the greater good. Thats powerful, thats history changing. Now Im not saying he holds no personal responsibility for what he became or what he choose to do, but its very clear that had his life not taken that course history would have been different. At some point "we" as a society, as parents, need to be held responsible. What we are doing as parents, friends, teachers, co workers matters. Maybe its time we take it a little bit more seriously, and hold ourselves a little bit more accountable.
Nite nite friends
This was told in a book I recently finished reading called Generation iY. After reading this story of Hitlers life I couldnt help but think of what if? I know that's an impossible question to ask but really... What if? What if his father believed in him, what if a teacher or friend had spoken positive into his life? What if?....... One of the greatest leaders of all time could have changed the world for the greater good. Thats powerful, thats history changing. Now Im not saying he holds no personal responsibility for what he became or what he choose to do, but its very clear that had his life not taken that course history would have been different. At some point "we" as a society, as parents, need to be held responsible. What we are doing as parents, friends, teachers, co workers matters. Maybe its time we take it a little bit more seriously, and hold ourselves a little bit more accountable.
Nite nite friends
Friday, October 4, 2013
helping a sister out
My least favorite thing in my day is figuring out what to make for dinner (yes I know that is not a real problem) I usually plan a week out so I can stick to budget and only have to rack my brain one day a week. So my friends Im sharing with you 3 weeks of meals, pick out whatever you like spice up your own life with some change :) Oh and Im sharing my homemade gummy recipe (they are high in protein, and collagen and are tasty!!
Enjoy
Monday: Beef Stroganoff I dont eat wheat so I put this over a sweet potato or yam and make butter noodles for Brett. (Make extra to freeze)
Tuesday: Grilled chicken: sautéed beets, carrots, and squash. and a salad ( cucumber, tomato, feta, olives, pepperoncini's, 1 lemon squeezed, salt and pepper)
Wednesday: Yam hash recipe at bottom of page
Thursday: Chicken Fajitas ( I make a slow cooker whole chicken the night before the left over chicken I use for another meal)
Friday: Burgers ( I always add liver and use lettuce instead of a bun) If im not lazy Ill make a salad (lettuce, cucumber, carrots, sun flower seeds, avocado oil, apple cider vinegar)
Saturday: Chicken Pizza I make this gluten free crust we usually add whatever we have. (use leftover chicken from fajitas
Sunday: Fish Tacos
Monday: Lettuce Wraps ( I do ground beef) I cook rice as a side (make extra rice for later in the week)
Tuesday: Pasta (this is my use whatever vegetables I need to get rid of dish) I put mine over a yam
Wednesday: Chicken pot pie ( I make one to freeze of a later date) Instead of wheat I used a gluten free flour and it worked great.
Thursday: Crock Pot cashew chicken (use the leftover rice)
Friday: Grilled cheese and tomato soup (lazy day)
Saturday: Grilled Chicken: chimmichurri sauce, roasted potatos and steamed carrots
Sunday: Kale and sausage
Monday: Stuffed zucchini Make extra stuffing and use for pasta later in the week
Tuesday: Crock pot chicken: Whole chicken, veggies of your choice(yams, potatoes, carrots, parsnips etc) Salt pepper herbs and enough liquid to cover Let that baby cook all day.... Left over chicken for another meal
Wednesday: Lasagna (make one to freeze) I use egg plant or zucchini instead of noodles
Thursday: Fish with rice (extra rice for later date)
Friday: Pasta (use the stuffing from monday)
Saturday: Chili (make extra to freeze) I make mine in the crock pot)
Sunday: Chicken enchiladas (use chicken from tuesday)
You now have 4 meals in the freezer for lazy days :)
Ok now for the gummies:
In a pot place 2.5 cups of juice (I used santa cruz organic apricot and mango)
Add 3 lemons juice (if you like sour add a 4th one)
Stir till warm not boiling you just need it warm enough to add the gelatin
Stir in half a cup of great lakes gelatin ( I use that one because it comes from grass fed cows and is SUPER good for you) Add a little bit at a time
I put mine in the blender just to make sure there are no lumps
Poor onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet
place in fridge till set
ENJOY :)
Enjoy
Monday: Beef Stroganoff I dont eat wheat so I put this over a sweet potato or yam and make butter noodles for Brett. (Make extra to freeze)
Tuesday: Grilled chicken: sautéed beets, carrots, and squash. and a salad ( cucumber, tomato, feta, olives, pepperoncini's, 1 lemon squeezed, salt and pepper)
Wednesday: Yam hash recipe at bottom of page
Thursday: Chicken Fajitas ( I make a slow cooker whole chicken the night before the left over chicken I use for another meal)
Friday: Burgers ( I always add liver and use lettuce instead of a bun) If im not lazy Ill make a salad (lettuce, cucumber, carrots, sun flower seeds, avocado oil, apple cider vinegar)
Saturday: Chicken Pizza I make this gluten free crust we usually add whatever we have. (use leftover chicken from fajitas
Sunday: Fish Tacos
Monday: Lettuce Wraps ( I do ground beef) I cook rice as a side (make extra rice for later in the week)
Tuesday: Pasta (this is my use whatever vegetables I need to get rid of dish) I put mine over a yam
Wednesday: Chicken pot pie ( I make one to freeze of a later date) Instead of wheat I used a gluten free flour and it worked great.
Thursday: Crock Pot cashew chicken (use the leftover rice)
Friday: Grilled cheese and tomato soup (lazy day)
Saturday: Grilled Chicken: chimmichurri sauce, roasted potatos and steamed carrots
Sunday: Kale and sausage
Monday: Stuffed zucchini Make extra stuffing and use for pasta later in the week
Tuesday: Crock pot chicken: Whole chicken, veggies of your choice(yams, potatoes, carrots, parsnips etc) Salt pepper herbs and enough liquid to cover Let that baby cook all day.... Left over chicken for another meal
Wednesday: Lasagna (make one to freeze) I use egg plant or zucchini instead of noodles
Thursday: Fish with rice (extra rice for later date)
Friday: Pasta (use the stuffing from monday)
Saturday: Chili (make extra to freeze) I make mine in the crock pot)
Sunday: Chicken enchiladas (use chicken from tuesday)
You now have 4 meals in the freezer for lazy days :)
Ok now for the gummies:
In a pot place 2.5 cups of juice (I used santa cruz organic apricot and mango)
Add 3 lemons juice (if you like sour add a 4th one)
Stir till warm not boiling you just need it warm enough to add the gelatin
Stir in half a cup of great lakes gelatin ( I use that one because it comes from grass fed cows and is SUPER good for you) Add a little bit at a time
I put mine in the blender just to make sure there are no lumps
Poor onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet
place in fridge till set
ENJOY :)
Thursday, September 26, 2013
I need a do over
Today I want a do over. Ever have one of those days where once its coming to an end you think "oh lord I didnt do good today?" That was me today, I failed. I failed myself, my dogs, my son and my mom, I was short, I was frustrated and I needed a time out but wasnt wise enough to take one.
Patience is my toughest work, its hard for me. Im very patient with Bryson but tend to take out my frustration on other people or things (my dogs) and today no one could win. Bryson napped 30 minutes I dont know why but this is a trigger for me, Im doing better with it and can now laugh it off but for some reason when his nap schedule gets messed up so do I. Then while driving I took a wrong turn and ended up lost, my son said about 100 times how hungry he was, that he wanted out of the car and that he dropped his truck on the ground, all while my mom was on the phone with customer service. (bad car ride) Then we got stuck in traffic coming home (another trigger). Then brysons nose started running like a faucet and I have to leave him all day saturday and sunday so my mommy guilt starts rising up as I fear he is getting sick. Out of my fear of him getting sick I try and force him to take extra cod liver oil (something he usually doesnt refuse) but did and it got on the carpet. I huffed and puffed and told him I was feeling very frustrated. I then apologized and tried to get him to take more cod liver oil. I know I know what was I thinking. He sucked it back trying to get me to stop and he started choking I instantly realized I messed up but it was to late. He choked and cried, and gaged, and gasped, and hiccuped for over 30 minutes. I felt terrible, I was so MAD at myself, I kept saying "im so sorry, Im so sorry mommy messed up, Im so sorry" Really I know better, I KNOW better. thats whats so frustrating about the whole thing. I know that he knows what his body needs not me, how dare I force vitamins down his throat, how dare I. Its his body not mine and Im here to offer all that I can and its up to him to choose what he needs. I want a do over. Sadly it didnt end there out of my shame and guilt I got mad at my dogs for barking haha sounds so stupid I put them in our bedroom and shut the door. Honestly reading this back its embarrassing I know better than this, I expect better of myself. Thank the lord tomorrow is a new day, I pray my son is not traumatized to ever take medicine again. Bad, horrible mommy moment. I know Im human but man what a stupid day.
P.s word to the wise (new mommies) As hard as it might be block the world out and listen, listen really closely. What is your baby trying to tell you? Not what did that book say or friend but what is YOUR baby trying to say. Your baby knows what he wants and needs so they are the ones who should take our cues from. Rachel Rainbolt said something in her last video if your baby is crying and wants to be held HOLD YOUR BABY. Dont analyse it or think your going to spoil him. So im saying to myself if your son is getting sick and doesn't want to eat or take medicine DONT MAKE HIM EAT OR TAKE MEDICINE. :)
Nite nite friends
Patience is my toughest work, its hard for me. Im very patient with Bryson but tend to take out my frustration on other people or things (my dogs) and today no one could win. Bryson napped 30 minutes I dont know why but this is a trigger for me, Im doing better with it and can now laugh it off but for some reason when his nap schedule gets messed up so do I. Then while driving I took a wrong turn and ended up lost, my son said about 100 times how hungry he was, that he wanted out of the car and that he dropped his truck on the ground, all while my mom was on the phone with customer service. (bad car ride) Then we got stuck in traffic coming home (another trigger). Then brysons nose started running like a faucet and I have to leave him all day saturday and sunday so my mommy guilt starts rising up as I fear he is getting sick. Out of my fear of him getting sick I try and force him to take extra cod liver oil (something he usually doesnt refuse) but did and it got on the carpet. I huffed and puffed and told him I was feeling very frustrated. I then apologized and tried to get him to take more cod liver oil. I know I know what was I thinking. He sucked it back trying to get me to stop and he started choking I instantly realized I messed up but it was to late. He choked and cried, and gaged, and gasped, and hiccuped for over 30 minutes. I felt terrible, I was so MAD at myself, I kept saying "im so sorry, Im so sorry mommy messed up, Im so sorry" Really I know better, I KNOW better. thats whats so frustrating about the whole thing. I know that he knows what his body needs not me, how dare I force vitamins down his throat, how dare I. Its his body not mine and Im here to offer all that I can and its up to him to choose what he needs. I want a do over. Sadly it didnt end there out of my shame and guilt I got mad at my dogs for barking haha sounds so stupid I put them in our bedroom and shut the door. Honestly reading this back its embarrassing I know better than this, I expect better of myself. Thank the lord tomorrow is a new day, I pray my son is not traumatized to ever take medicine again. Bad, horrible mommy moment. I know Im human but man what a stupid day.
P.s word to the wise (new mommies) As hard as it might be block the world out and listen, listen really closely. What is your baby trying to tell you? Not what did that book say or friend but what is YOUR baby trying to say. Your baby knows what he wants and needs so they are the ones who should take our cues from. Rachel Rainbolt said something in her last video if your baby is crying and wants to be held HOLD YOUR BABY. Dont analyse it or think your going to spoil him. So im saying to myself if your son is getting sick and doesn't want to eat or take medicine DONT MAKE HIM EAT OR TAKE MEDICINE. :)
Nite nite friends
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Orange fish
Do you ever feel like an orange fish in a sea of purple fish? Lately Ive been feeling a little dis connected, a little isolated, a little (maybe a lot) mis understood. Ive been learning a lot about myself and this world around me. Ive been learning just how different we all are, how my truth is not your truth. Not because its not the truth but because we are all on different paths, different journeys. This isnt easy for me Im a passionate learner, if I can be better please tell me. I spend a lot of my life learning, I spend a lot of time thinking adjusting myself. Please dont mis understand this for boasting as its not in the slightest, Im a work in progress I will be till the day I die, I dont believe there is such thing as "arriving". I mess up daily, but I try to be aware of it and change it. The hard part for me is Im learning a lot of people dont want to change, they are happy right where they are in their pretty little comfort zone. I think sometimes its just to much work to change, its another thing on the to do list, I think it hurts to change we have to then admit we messed up(not easy), I think it can isolate us to change (exactly where I feel I am)
I struggle with this in part because I want to love and be loved by others, I want to be excepted, I believe as a christian its part of my walk to be able to walk among everyone and be able to connect just like jesus did without judgement. I find the line between distancing myself to protect myself and judgement to be a blurred one. How can I say I feel like I can not be around you anymore for my own personal growth without that person feeling judged or it even being because I am judging their path in life? Or that because I am on a different path I am now being isolated and judged. How can you love people for where they are at when you don't agree with their life choices? Is it good for you to surround yourself with that?
I know confusing right? Maybe I just need to find some orange fish. Maybe I need to understand my truth in such a way that its mine and only mine not to be shared. But then who is Kirista Berry if her truth is not worn on her sleeve? I guess those who love me will love my truth for exactly as it is as I need to do the same for your truth, and if not then this orange fish will need to swim on to warmer, more loving waters.
Nite nite friends
I struggle with this in part because I want to love and be loved by others, I want to be excepted, I believe as a christian its part of my walk to be able to walk among everyone and be able to connect just like jesus did without judgement. I find the line between distancing myself to protect myself and judgement to be a blurred one. How can I say I feel like I can not be around you anymore for my own personal growth without that person feeling judged or it even being because I am judging their path in life? Or that because I am on a different path I am now being isolated and judged. How can you love people for where they are at when you don't agree with their life choices? Is it good for you to surround yourself with that?
I know confusing right? Maybe I just need to find some orange fish. Maybe I need to understand my truth in such a way that its mine and only mine not to be shared. But then who is Kirista Berry if her truth is not worn on her sleeve? I guess those who love me will love my truth for exactly as it is as I need to do the same for your truth, and if not then this orange fish will need to swim on to warmer, more loving waters.
Nite nite friends
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The ugly possibility of life
1st let me start this out by saying that Im totally fine so you dont need to read this at the edge of your seat. :)
One month ago I was grabbing a drink of water before heading to bed, for some reason my hand was on my chest. All of a sudden I stopped dead in my tracks "whats that" I thought, wait whoa what is that? I hurried to my bedroom, grabbed my husbands hand placed it on my chest " oh wow what is that?" he says. Me (slightly freaking out) "oh my gosh is that a lump?" my husband: " I think so...... you better get that checked out". Ummmm WHAT?
Instantly I got online I typed in Small hard lump in right breast pages and pages of things came up about breast cancer, I sat with my eyes glued to the screen reading, searching for something to tell me it was nothing, no big deal, go to sleep. The more I read the more I panicked. "God..... what is this?, WHAT IS THIS?" I somehow convinced myself to go to sleep. First thing in the morning I called my mom. "Mom I found a lump, its hard and it doesn't move" Searching for relief my mom said "If it doesnt move thats not a good thing" My mind started to spin this isnt real right Im 27, Im healthy, UMMM Im 27. I put Bryson down for a nap and was back eyes glued to the screen I read about women, women who were 27, who randomly found a lump and it was breast cancer. I sat silently on the couch tears streaming down my face. You see we always know something is a possibility but until you Feel that it really is a possibility, that this really could be true WOW it honestly took my breath away. I sat there silent tears streaming down my cheeks thinking oh my gosh Im 27, I have a 20 month old baby, I want more babies, I want to live forever, what if I need surgery?, whos going to watch my baby?, what if I cant breastfeed anymore? I knew I shouldnt have smoked so much pot, or drank so much in high school, Oh my gosh God please I can not have cancer, what if I die? Oh my gosh what if I die. I started to picture my son not having a mother, ugh I couldnt handle that thought. I pictured my husband getting re married and that women getting to see my son live his life, getting to see him graduate, walking down the aisle at his wedding, getting to be grandma to MY grand babies. My silent cry became a uncontrollable ugly face cry. I hyperventilated, I sobbed...... Now yes I get it that was dramatic given that I had no idea what this was but please cancer his a huge beast in our society right now. My brother lost his friend to cancer while he was in high school, my aunt passed away from cancer a couple years ago, I have a friends who's nephew was just diagnosed, my best friends father was diagnosed last year and her mother and law a few weeks ago, I have another aunt who has had cancer twice the list goes on. Its horrid, its extremely sad to say but its common its possible, and that possibility was to great for me to bear. My husbands mother passed away when he was 17, I think of her often, but now I started to sympathize with her, my gosh her nightmare did come true, and "that" women is living in her house and holding her grand baby. Stuff like this HAPPENS and it happened to my husbands mother.
I went to my doctors appointment praying she would laugh and say its nothing, but she felt it and said " I dont want you to stress but because its hard and it doesnt move Im very concerned and you need to get a ultrasound" I sat there staring at her, while my toddler zoomed his cars on the chair in her office. I sat there fighting the tears, fighting that the possibility grew stronger. I left her office feeling like I was in a nightmare like what was unfolding couldnt possibly be true.
My ultra sound appointment was 2 weeks out 2WEEKS. Every morning I got up and felt that stupid lump, I always thought maybe Id wake up and it would be gone. I googled and googled and googled some more. Everynight I prayed that God would rid my body of anything that was not supposed to be there. I would look in the mirror and say "Im healthy, Im strong, and im going to die of old age".
Finally it was D day the day my fate would be revealed I woke up feeling calm so I thought until I used the bathroom about 30 times before leaving the house at 8:30 am. Its funny how we can think we are not stressed out but our bodies show us we are. We showed up to the very hospital my son was born at and went down stairs to the very spot I laid with my tiny belly and got to see my growing baby. The nurse called my name as I parted ways with my husband and son I prayed when I saw them next Id be smiling. We went into a dark room where she asked if a male student could come in and see how to work the machine. Me: "sure" What I was really thinking was "are you joking" I laid there my boob out staring at the screen, in my 2 weeks of google searching I had looked at ultrasound photos and I was scanning for anything that looked like cancer. I asked the tech "what do you see?" She calmly said "the doctor will come in when Im done and speak to you" I hated that answer like really lady just tell me. She took her photos then exited the room, a minute later the doctor came in. She told me everything looked great, it was a cyst probably from hormones from breastfeeding and could be surgically removed or it could possibly go away. "Oh my good lord thats it? Like I dont have breast cancer?" Oh my gosh I DONT HAVE BREAST CANCER!!! I ran to see my baby boy I hugged my husband I laughed at how nervous I was. Driving home I couldnt help think of all the people who leave those appointments in tears, feeling overwhelming thoughts of fear. I couldnt help but think of all the possibilities of this life, all the ugly possibilities of it. I couldnt help but think that one day I could leave one of those appointments in tears, or that my husband could, or my mom, or my dad, or sister or brother or best friend. Why God are there such ugly possibilities in this life...... why?
nite nite friends
One month ago I was grabbing a drink of water before heading to bed, for some reason my hand was on my chest. All of a sudden I stopped dead in my tracks "whats that" I thought, wait whoa what is that? I hurried to my bedroom, grabbed my husbands hand placed it on my chest " oh wow what is that?" he says. Me (slightly freaking out) "oh my gosh is that a lump?" my husband: " I think so...... you better get that checked out". Ummmm WHAT?
Instantly I got online I typed in Small hard lump in right breast pages and pages of things came up about breast cancer, I sat with my eyes glued to the screen reading, searching for something to tell me it was nothing, no big deal, go to sleep. The more I read the more I panicked. "God..... what is this?, WHAT IS THIS?" I somehow convinced myself to go to sleep. First thing in the morning I called my mom. "Mom I found a lump, its hard and it doesn't move" Searching for relief my mom said "If it doesnt move thats not a good thing" My mind started to spin this isnt real right Im 27, Im healthy, UMMM Im 27. I put Bryson down for a nap and was back eyes glued to the screen I read about women, women who were 27, who randomly found a lump and it was breast cancer. I sat silently on the couch tears streaming down my face. You see we always know something is a possibility but until you Feel that it really is a possibility, that this really could be true WOW it honestly took my breath away. I sat there silent tears streaming down my cheeks thinking oh my gosh Im 27, I have a 20 month old baby, I want more babies, I want to live forever, what if I need surgery?, whos going to watch my baby?, what if I cant breastfeed anymore? I knew I shouldnt have smoked so much pot, or drank so much in high school, Oh my gosh God please I can not have cancer, what if I die? Oh my gosh what if I die. I started to picture my son not having a mother, ugh I couldnt handle that thought. I pictured my husband getting re married and that women getting to see my son live his life, getting to see him graduate, walking down the aisle at his wedding, getting to be grandma to MY grand babies. My silent cry became a uncontrollable ugly face cry. I hyperventilated, I sobbed...... Now yes I get it that was dramatic given that I had no idea what this was but please cancer his a huge beast in our society right now. My brother lost his friend to cancer while he was in high school, my aunt passed away from cancer a couple years ago, I have a friends who's nephew was just diagnosed, my best friends father was diagnosed last year and her mother and law a few weeks ago, I have another aunt who has had cancer twice the list goes on. Its horrid, its extremely sad to say but its common its possible, and that possibility was to great for me to bear. My husbands mother passed away when he was 17, I think of her often, but now I started to sympathize with her, my gosh her nightmare did come true, and "that" women is living in her house and holding her grand baby. Stuff like this HAPPENS and it happened to my husbands mother.
I went to my doctors appointment praying she would laugh and say its nothing, but she felt it and said " I dont want you to stress but because its hard and it doesnt move Im very concerned and you need to get a ultrasound" I sat there staring at her, while my toddler zoomed his cars on the chair in her office. I sat there fighting the tears, fighting that the possibility grew stronger. I left her office feeling like I was in a nightmare like what was unfolding couldnt possibly be true.
My ultra sound appointment was 2 weeks out 2WEEKS. Every morning I got up and felt that stupid lump, I always thought maybe Id wake up and it would be gone. I googled and googled and googled some more. Everynight I prayed that God would rid my body of anything that was not supposed to be there. I would look in the mirror and say "Im healthy, Im strong, and im going to die of old age".
Finally it was D day the day my fate would be revealed I woke up feeling calm so I thought until I used the bathroom about 30 times before leaving the house at 8:30 am. Its funny how we can think we are not stressed out but our bodies show us we are. We showed up to the very hospital my son was born at and went down stairs to the very spot I laid with my tiny belly and got to see my growing baby. The nurse called my name as I parted ways with my husband and son I prayed when I saw them next Id be smiling. We went into a dark room where she asked if a male student could come in and see how to work the machine. Me: "sure" What I was really thinking was "are you joking" I laid there my boob out staring at the screen, in my 2 weeks of google searching I had looked at ultrasound photos and I was scanning for anything that looked like cancer. I asked the tech "what do you see?" She calmly said "the doctor will come in when Im done and speak to you" I hated that answer like really lady just tell me. She took her photos then exited the room, a minute later the doctor came in. She told me everything looked great, it was a cyst probably from hormones from breastfeeding and could be surgically removed or it could possibly go away. "Oh my good lord thats it? Like I dont have breast cancer?" Oh my gosh I DONT HAVE BREAST CANCER!!! I ran to see my baby boy I hugged my husband I laughed at how nervous I was. Driving home I couldnt help think of all the people who leave those appointments in tears, feeling overwhelming thoughts of fear. I couldnt help but think of all the possibilities of this life, all the ugly possibilities of it. I couldnt help but think that one day I could leave one of those appointments in tears, or that my husband could, or my mom, or my dad, or sister or brother or best friend. Why God are there such ugly possibilities in this life...... why?
nite nite friends
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Lets All Communicate.....
Ask most seasoned couples the secret to a great relationship and most likely they will say "communication". Being able to communicate effectively with other human beings is essential, its vital for healthy relationships. So why are we all so bad at it? Why is it considered a skill or "fine art" when its essential for the quality of our lives?
I for one am a terrible communicator in 4 years of marriage this has single handily been our biggest struggle. Im an avoider I pile things up until I burst and spew out months of negative feelings. A simple "honey Im feeling overwhelmed and I need your help" used to be impossible for me to say instead I would stare at him hating him for not reading my mind and jumping up to help me, or hating myself for actually needing help. Who needs help anyway? (joke) This year I vowed things would be different the biggest reason was, I want my son to have a good example of how communication works and well that means me and my husband need to get good at it. Holy MOLY what a difference!! When we have the love and support to just BE our feelings no matter what they are, to feel safe enough to share. How would that make you feel?
Sometimes I just need to be able to come to my husband and say "I feel grumpy and I have no idea why" and I need him to just except that, not take it personally, and not think its wrong to feel grumpy. Sometimes I just need to burrow my face in his chest and cry and be sad and let it all out without being told its going to be ok, because at that moment I don't care I just need the space to feel and I need the love to be able to communicate it. I need to be able to say "you know when you did XYZ that really hurt my feelings" and for him to say " I didn't realize that Im sorry you felt that way". How beautiful it is to walk away from a disagreement feeling heard, feeling closer, feeling on the same page, what a breath of fresh air. Having a safe place to share our feelings where they will be validated, excepted, not taken personally bridges a gap where we can then share all of us our hopes, dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, bad moods, the whole shabang.
It starts in childhood one of the biggest, best, most brilliant lessons I ever learned in parenting is to let my son BE who he is in ALL his colors. Whether he is happy, sad, mad, frustrated, joyful, grumpy, silly etc... I was going to honor that and be a safe place for him to express all of it, all while guiding him to communicate it properly. I never wanted to shut down what he was trying to tell me. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't take his feelings and the way he was communicating them personally, I was never going to tell him: " your okay, stop crying right now, be a big boy, your faking it, dont be such a girl, chin up, thats enough, crying is for babies, that wasnt a big deal, its not the end of the world, thats unacceptable, I dont have time for this" ect I was and am going to validate and empathize, bridging connection and emulating everything that I would want done to me. In turn Learning so much more about who he really is and how he thinks, making a safe place for him to never feel like he has to hide who he is. Hopefully giving him the confidence to go out in the world and be able to communicate all of that.
Lately Ive been role playing with Bryson how to communicate the feeling of being uncomfortable or how to protect his things. I tell him if anyone ever touches you and you dont like it or they try and take something from you, put your hand up and say " STOP". He needs to know that its ok to tell even a adult that he doesnt like what they are doing and thats PERFECTLY ok. Excellent communication is not rude or brash, but it is straight to the point and it leaves no room for questioning. At 20 months a simple but firm STOP gets the point across far better then hitting or screaming does.
I am again terrible at this in my own life I was at the grocery store the other day and this old man was behind me, I kindly asked if he wanted to go in front of me because he only had a few items. He looked me up and down and said " I want to stand back here, so I can look at you better". I awkwardly laughed and went up to the cashier all while feeling these gross eye balls piercing threw me. I came home and told my husband about the gross old man he said " well did you say something to him?" I said " No I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable" My husband said " Well he made you feel uncomfortable didn't he". I thought to myself wow your so right, How many times have I let people say things or do things to me that felt uncomfortable? I never set up a boundary for myself communicating that I didn't like it? and why? Because I didnt want to make them feel uncomfortable? That makes no sense, I wish I could go back there and have the confidence to stick up for myself a simple " Well thats completely inappropriate" would have been clear enough without being rude, leaving me feeling empowered instead of violated.
These are my thoughts, this is what Im learning :)
Nite nite friends
I for one am a terrible communicator in 4 years of marriage this has single handily been our biggest struggle. Im an avoider I pile things up until I burst and spew out months of negative feelings. A simple "honey Im feeling overwhelmed and I need your help" used to be impossible for me to say instead I would stare at him hating him for not reading my mind and jumping up to help me, or hating myself for actually needing help. Who needs help anyway? (joke) This year I vowed things would be different the biggest reason was, I want my son to have a good example of how communication works and well that means me and my husband need to get good at it. Holy MOLY what a difference!! When we have the love and support to just BE our feelings no matter what they are, to feel safe enough to share. How would that make you feel?
Sometimes I just need to be able to come to my husband and say "I feel grumpy and I have no idea why" and I need him to just except that, not take it personally, and not think its wrong to feel grumpy. Sometimes I just need to burrow my face in his chest and cry and be sad and let it all out without being told its going to be ok, because at that moment I don't care I just need the space to feel and I need the love to be able to communicate it. I need to be able to say "you know when you did XYZ that really hurt my feelings" and for him to say " I didn't realize that Im sorry you felt that way". How beautiful it is to walk away from a disagreement feeling heard, feeling closer, feeling on the same page, what a breath of fresh air. Having a safe place to share our feelings where they will be validated, excepted, not taken personally bridges a gap where we can then share all of us our hopes, dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, bad moods, the whole shabang.
It starts in childhood one of the biggest, best, most brilliant lessons I ever learned in parenting is to let my son BE who he is in ALL his colors. Whether he is happy, sad, mad, frustrated, joyful, grumpy, silly etc... I was going to honor that and be a safe place for him to express all of it, all while guiding him to communicate it properly. I never wanted to shut down what he was trying to tell me. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't take his feelings and the way he was communicating them personally, I was never going to tell him: " your okay, stop crying right now, be a big boy, your faking it, dont be such a girl, chin up, thats enough, crying is for babies, that wasnt a big deal, its not the end of the world, thats unacceptable, I dont have time for this" ect I was and am going to validate and empathize, bridging connection and emulating everything that I would want done to me. In turn Learning so much more about who he really is and how he thinks, making a safe place for him to never feel like he has to hide who he is. Hopefully giving him the confidence to go out in the world and be able to communicate all of that.
Lately Ive been role playing with Bryson how to communicate the feeling of being uncomfortable or how to protect his things. I tell him if anyone ever touches you and you dont like it or they try and take something from you, put your hand up and say " STOP". He needs to know that its ok to tell even a adult that he doesnt like what they are doing and thats PERFECTLY ok. Excellent communication is not rude or brash, but it is straight to the point and it leaves no room for questioning. At 20 months a simple but firm STOP gets the point across far better then hitting or screaming does.
I am again terrible at this in my own life I was at the grocery store the other day and this old man was behind me, I kindly asked if he wanted to go in front of me because he only had a few items. He looked me up and down and said " I want to stand back here, so I can look at you better". I awkwardly laughed and went up to the cashier all while feeling these gross eye balls piercing threw me. I came home and told my husband about the gross old man he said " well did you say something to him?" I said " No I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable" My husband said " Well he made you feel uncomfortable didn't he". I thought to myself wow your so right, How many times have I let people say things or do things to me that felt uncomfortable? I never set up a boundary for myself communicating that I didn't like it? and why? Because I didnt want to make them feel uncomfortable? That makes no sense, I wish I could go back there and have the confidence to stick up for myself a simple " Well thats completely inappropriate" would have been clear enough without being rude, leaving me feeling empowered instead of violated.
These are my thoughts, this is what Im learning :)
Nite nite friends
Sunday, August 25, 2013
To L.O.V.E thy self
Im currently reading John Maxwells book : The 15 invaluable laws of growth. He stresses the importance of understanding your personality type and finding out what your strengths and weakness's are. He suggested taking a couple personality tests to get started, I found out that Im very introverted. This didnt exactly come as a surprise to me it actually makes perfect sense, but it was something I fought for a very long time. I always thought that wanting to play and day dream alone was wrong, that my anxiety over big crowds or mindless small talk was something that needed "fixing". I never looked at my introverted ways as a positive and I was always constantly trying to be something I wasn't by burrowing those things deep inside and copying more extroverted people.
Now dont get me wrong I love people, I need people, but people drain me and I need a break from them. I love small group settings with close friends where we get deep and talk about meaningful things, mindless small talk gives me anxiety. Walking into a big room full of people that I dont know makes me want to vomit, I usually run straight to the bathroom and sit in the stall while I give myself a little pep talk. Conflict makes me physically ill, if I have to see someone that I have tension with I instantly have to use the washroom, and I get a stomach before seeing them. Im a day dreamer, my head is stuck in the clouds more then Id like to admit. Im also a very fragile soul people need to be VERY careful what they say to me the sting of a brash word lingers for a very long time with me. If you've hurt me I put up a emotional wall from you to protect myself, never allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with you again. Im also very in-tune with others emotions, I love watching peoples facial expressions. The terrible things in the world lay incredibly heavy on my heart. I cant watch things on the SPCA, or read about child abductions, or see a old man or women working at a fast food place. It makes me heart hurt, While working in Africa with orphans I would hold them and just cry at the thought that they would have no one to fearlessly and ferociously love them all the days of their lives. I watch movies like hotel Rwanda, or blood diamond and my soul aches I feel physically sick and troubled by these things.
You see I never celebrated these things as strengths, I was often labeled as dramatic, so I kept my true emotions to myself a lot of the time. Instead of looking at myself as very creative, compassionate, observant individual who had a lot to offer the world, I saw someone who needed to change. My son is very much my child, he is as of right now a introvert. I get him, I honor him in this area, as I think its very cool to have someone that I understand so much. When we get to a new place it takes him a good 30 minutes before he feels comfortable to start showing his true self. When people say things like "oh he is so shy" I want to deck them. Labeling people especially children is hurtful and its also untrue. My son is not shy, he is an observer, he likes to watch and see whats going on before he joins, he needs to know he is safe and feel comfortable. I think thats cool, I think its wise. Just because a child is outgoing and socially independent doesnt equal good parenting, just like if a child is reserved and dependent doesnt equal poor parenting. Its two completely different personality types. One is not better then the other they are just different. My son is not comfortable being dropped off somewhere and told to go make friends while I work out, no matter how much Ive prepared him for it, just like I dont like going to an event that I dont know anyone no matter how much Ive thought about.
There is a family we know with 2 boys one is 8 the other is 6 to say that they are opposites is a understatement. The older boy is a complete introvert, while all the kids are playing you can usually find him in his bedroom playing by himself. He is insanely creative, if you take the time to get to know him he will blow your mind with his thought process. He is also very sensitive, at his 8th birthday party he spent most of it crying and stressed out. I hear him often ask his mom and dad " do you love me?" "am I helpful?" "Am I good?". The younger brother is a wild, outgoing, fun little boy. He is easy to like, fun to be around, the life of the party. I would like to see him when he goes to collage because he will probably be the next Van Wilder. These boys need to be parented very differently, the parents need to figure out how to make each of the boys hearts sing. On the surface you would look and think my God the older boy is a little strange, and needy, but the younger boy is so fun and easy which is so shallow and very far from reality. Thats how I think society views introverts and extroverts. Introverts take awhile to crack their shell, they dont give their heart to everyone, but once your in its a very special gift because few people get to really know the heart of an introvert. Some of the best poets, song writers, authors, philanthropist, and world changers are introverts. Until we can truly except, and learn to love our children, spouses, friends the way that they need to be loved, we will never truly know them. Until we stop thinking that we need to change each other to be more like some ideal you have placed in your head we cant enjoy our differences. We need introverts just as much as extroverts. The fact that we are all different is what makes the world interesting, we all have something to offer.
Nite Nite Friends
Now dont get me wrong I love people, I need people, but people drain me and I need a break from them. I love small group settings with close friends where we get deep and talk about meaningful things, mindless small talk gives me anxiety. Walking into a big room full of people that I dont know makes me want to vomit, I usually run straight to the bathroom and sit in the stall while I give myself a little pep talk. Conflict makes me physically ill, if I have to see someone that I have tension with I instantly have to use the washroom, and I get a stomach before seeing them. Im a day dreamer, my head is stuck in the clouds more then Id like to admit. Im also a very fragile soul people need to be VERY careful what they say to me the sting of a brash word lingers for a very long time with me. If you've hurt me I put up a emotional wall from you to protect myself, never allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with you again. Im also very in-tune with others emotions, I love watching peoples facial expressions. The terrible things in the world lay incredibly heavy on my heart. I cant watch things on the SPCA, or read about child abductions, or see a old man or women working at a fast food place. It makes me heart hurt, While working in Africa with orphans I would hold them and just cry at the thought that they would have no one to fearlessly and ferociously love them all the days of their lives. I watch movies like hotel Rwanda, or blood diamond and my soul aches I feel physically sick and troubled by these things.
You see I never celebrated these things as strengths, I was often labeled as dramatic, so I kept my true emotions to myself a lot of the time. Instead of looking at myself as very creative, compassionate, observant individual who had a lot to offer the world, I saw someone who needed to change. My son is very much my child, he is as of right now a introvert. I get him, I honor him in this area, as I think its very cool to have someone that I understand so much. When we get to a new place it takes him a good 30 minutes before he feels comfortable to start showing his true self. When people say things like "oh he is so shy" I want to deck them. Labeling people especially children is hurtful and its also untrue. My son is not shy, he is an observer, he likes to watch and see whats going on before he joins, he needs to know he is safe and feel comfortable. I think thats cool, I think its wise. Just because a child is outgoing and socially independent doesnt equal good parenting, just like if a child is reserved and dependent doesnt equal poor parenting. Its two completely different personality types. One is not better then the other they are just different. My son is not comfortable being dropped off somewhere and told to go make friends while I work out, no matter how much Ive prepared him for it, just like I dont like going to an event that I dont know anyone no matter how much Ive thought about.
There is a family we know with 2 boys one is 8 the other is 6 to say that they are opposites is a understatement. The older boy is a complete introvert, while all the kids are playing you can usually find him in his bedroom playing by himself. He is insanely creative, if you take the time to get to know him he will blow your mind with his thought process. He is also very sensitive, at his 8th birthday party he spent most of it crying and stressed out. I hear him often ask his mom and dad " do you love me?" "am I helpful?" "Am I good?". The younger brother is a wild, outgoing, fun little boy. He is easy to like, fun to be around, the life of the party. I would like to see him when he goes to collage because he will probably be the next Van Wilder. These boys need to be parented very differently, the parents need to figure out how to make each of the boys hearts sing. On the surface you would look and think my God the older boy is a little strange, and needy, but the younger boy is so fun and easy which is so shallow and very far from reality. Thats how I think society views introverts and extroverts. Introverts take awhile to crack their shell, they dont give their heart to everyone, but once your in its a very special gift because few people get to really know the heart of an introvert. Some of the best poets, song writers, authors, philanthropist, and world changers are introverts. Until we can truly except, and learn to love our children, spouses, friends the way that they need to be loved, we will never truly know them. Until we stop thinking that we need to change each other to be more like some ideal you have placed in your head we cant enjoy our differences. We need introverts just as much as extroverts. The fact that we are all different is what makes the world interesting, we all have something to offer.
Nite Nite Friends
Friday, August 9, 2013
Its time for a wake up call.
So for those of you who dont know we just finished moving to a new house/ new neighborhood just over a week ago. This is our 4th place in 4.5 years of marriage and its Bryson's 3rd home already, to put it lightly Im over moving, so OVER moving. This time though I love our house we have a yard, its all one level, its been renovated, Im thrilled with it and so is Bryson. Here is the BUT, Im a good 30 minutes away from a decent grocery store. This might sound ridiculous to you so hear me out. Ive been going to sprouts which is 10 mins from my new place its ok it has some of the things I buy but the organic section is small and meat options are very very limited. Albertsons is literally 2 mins from my house, so off I went. It was a bit of a deer in headlights moment, I walked aimlessly around the produce section searching for the word organic, I finally asked a man unpacking limes and he said " oh yes mam right over there" to which I turned and saw half a wall with maybe 5 options of fruit and vegetables that were all on the verge of rotting. I managed to pick out 5 yams, a bag of carrots, and a cucumber. I walked to the meat department and just stared at all the pre packaged meat, I stopped a employee and asked "where is the organic meat?" he replied " ummmm I dont think we have that" he then checked with the butcher and Nope not one single organic piece of meat in that HUGE grocery store. I went to egg isle NOPE not one carton of organic eggs. So I checked out with 5 yams, a bag of carrots, 1 cucumber and 1 beach ball. I left feeling so so sad for this country so sad for my son, how is it that in the hugest grocery store I have no options to eat clean, healthy food? how is this possible? How did we let this happen? I so badly wanted to walk back in there and ask people if they really knew what they were buying, if they really knew what they were feeding their families. You see if you knowingly want to eat inhumanely raised meat, injected with antibiotics, washed in ammonia and fed GMO feed that rots in their stomachs because they are not meant to eat feed, then hey all the power to you. if youd like to then wash it down with GMO and preservative filled juice then thats your choice. But dont you think we should have the choice to opt out? and there should be another option? I mean HELLO this is the United States of America after all.
You know how packets of cigarettes have pictures of lung cancer, and are covered in warning labels because well we all know smoking is bad for us right? since we know that we are saying "hey here are the risks do with them what you like, this is a free country so if you knowingly want to cause harm to your body then you have the option to do so, but we have done our part in warning you about it and we dont allow it around people who choose not to smoke". So why isnt this the same for our food? I mean how about we place a picture on all our meat, dairy, eggs of the animal in its living arrangements and label all potential health risks from consuming that product and give more than one option of things to consume. Then if you dont want to eat something that is banned in other countries and knowingly causes cancer, obesity, food allergies, diabetes etc then you dont have to, and if you do want to eat it then go nuts.
Because we all know you dont get lung cancer from smoking one cigarette, just like you dont become obese by eating at mcdonalds once. Its the everyday thing that causes these problems and not having options and forcing this disgusting food into our homes is not right. I shouldnt be forced to drive 30 minutes to buy groceries that I feel comfortable feeding to my family. Nor should someone be forced to buy groceries that they have NO CLUE what they are, that are labeled so poorly with words like "all natural" and "cage free" that are a bunch of malarky.
You know that the US has the most obese people in the world? We are the 7th highest cancer rate worldwide. 1/54 children have some form of autism, 1/10 people have diabetes, food allergies are at all time high. We spend BILLIONS!! BILLIONS!! 220 billion dollars alone on diabetes. When are we going to stop and ask ourselves what we are doing? When are we going to stop being so ignorant in thinking our government has our best interest? When are we going to catch up to other countries and start banning things that knowingly are harmful to our bodies and our country? WHEN? WHEN? Because not having options in the "greatest country in the world" is not acceptable and its time we wake up and start protecting our health.
Nite nite friends
P.s I thought I'd share with you my dinner luckily I had some organic bacon and chicken sausage and squash in my fridge and some tomatoes from my garden.
P.s I thought I'd share with you my dinner luckily I had some organic bacon and chicken sausage and squash in my fridge and some tomatoes from my garden.
Yams hash with cucumber, carrot, tomato salad
1. Fry bacon and set aside ( I use organic, nitrate free bacon)
2. sauté yams and squash in bacon grease (remember fat is good for you)
3. cut up sausage and bacon and add to yam mixture
4. Enjoy :)
p.s this is great for leftovers throw it in with some eggs in the morning and you have breakfast
Salad:
1. cut up cucumber, carrots and tomatoes
2. Toss with sea salt, apple cider vinegar and avocado oil
3. Enjoy :)
Friday, August 2, 2013
negative illusion
Can I vent? rant? cry? and maybe even hide? The realization of the worlds influence on my son is frightening. I dont like it, it makes me cringe. Bryson has been picking things up from other children and adults and I have no control over this. You see Im a very VERY intentional parent, I think before I speak, I analyze situations with him to see how I can make it better the next time, I eliminate things from my vocabulary so I come across in a positive manner, I read read READ so i can understand whats going on in my little mans brain and so that I become better myself so I can influence him in a positive way. I work so hard at this and to think that someone else's mindlessness their complete unintentional negative ways can stick to my son like glue.
It makes me want to build a house around him, I understand this sounds crazy and I in no way shape or form want to shelter him I believe we all need to see the world, experience culture feel dirt between our toes, struggle in the rawness of being human, see truth in all its glory. This is so very contrary to sheltering, its protection, its my momma bear ferociousness. I want to protect him from this perception of negativity, mediocrity, dis respect, hatred, this tainted society that is so careless with words and gestures. This isn't the truth of the world its an negative illusion, hurting people hurt people and there are a lot of hurting people out there.
I want Bryson to the see the world for all its possibilities, for its beauty, its kindness, its magic, its opportunity to become. I cry at the thought that some stranger could carelessly say something that can stick with you forever. My friend recently told me of a time when she was a teenager at the beach and two guys were there and one said "wow check out that girls rack" and the other guy said "ya but look at her face." This lie this complete carelessness has stuck with my friend her whole adult life she is beautiful they were wrong they didnt even know her and look how much power they have. I think about when Bryson will go over to friends houses as he gets older and how he will be exposed to how other people live, what if they yell at him? what if they make him do something he doesnt want to do? I hate this I hate this reality and I know the only answer is that I build the strongest connection possible with him, that I overflow his cup, that I love that boy hard every single day, and that I pray that the world shows him empathy. You know becoming a parent has given me this overwhelming need to get on my knees with God. So many times i just need to stop and be still in my heavenly fathers warmth and say "God help me, show me, guide me, move me, I need you, I need your kindness, I need your grace"
Nite nite Friends
It makes me want to build a house around him, I understand this sounds crazy and I in no way shape or form want to shelter him I believe we all need to see the world, experience culture feel dirt between our toes, struggle in the rawness of being human, see truth in all its glory. This is so very contrary to sheltering, its protection, its my momma bear ferociousness. I want to protect him from this perception of negativity, mediocrity, dis respect, hatred, this tainted society that is so careless with words and gestures. This isn't the truth of the world its an negative illusion, hurting people hurt people and there are a lot of hurting people out there.
I want Bryson to the see the world for all its possibilities, for its beauty, its kindness, its magic, its opportunity to become. I cry at the thought that some stranger could carelessly say something that can stick with you forever. My friend recently told me of a time when she was a teenager at the beach and two guys were there and one said "wow check out that girls rack" and the other guy said "ya but look at her face." This lie this complete carelessness has stuck with my friend her whole adult life she is beautiful they were wrong they didnt even know her and look how much power they have. I think about when Bryson will go over to friends houses as he gets older and how he will be exposed to how other people live, what if they yell at him? what if they make him do something he doesnt want to do? I hate this I hate this reality and I know the only answer is that I build the strongest connection possible with him, that I overflow his cup, that I love that boy hard every single day, and that I pray that the world shows him empathy. You know becoming a parent has given me this overwhelming need to get on my knees with God. So many times i just need to stop and be still in my heavenly fathers warmth and say "God help me, show me, guide me, move me, I need you, I need your kindness, I need your grace"
Nite nite Friends
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
My love of breastfeeding
I want to share with you all my love story of breastfeeding. It started off rough, you could say its been a bumpy road. The 1st couple of months were tough I had an intense cluster feeder on my hands I spent every night for about 5 hours stuck on the couch where bryson would latch and unlatch and scream in-between. This was probably mostly because of my inexperience as a momma, and my frustration really made it worse. He was also a very very VERY gassy boy who spent most nights screaming until 1 in the morning. (Leaving me in tears.) But Ive always been bound and determined there was no other option for me I was going to make it work, I was going to find the silver lining. I had to cut dairy, caffeine, and all other gassy foods out of my diet, I had to breathhhhhhhh threw those cluster feedings and screaming sessions it was tough If I had other children that I needed to care for Im not to sure how I would have made it. BUTTTT slowly and surely the cluster feeds started to fade and around 4 months those tummy aches were completely gone and I was left with this beautiful, precious, amazing gift of breastfeeding. This isnt to say that I didnt have moments before this that were pure perfection but because of the great struggle I was still going threw I still wasnt fully in love with the process. It was after 4 months of hard work and tears that Bryson and I made it to blissfulness.
I find our culture to have a very "Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't" attitude towards breastfeeding. If you dont breastfeed your a bad mom, if you breastfeed to long your inappropriate, if you dont breastfeed long enough you failed, if you breastfeed out in public your unexceptable. The list goes on. My feeling towards this has always been this is between MY body and MY baby and has nothing to do with anybody else. I really could careless about what others think, breastfeeding has been happening since the beginning of time every human being before bottles were breastfed. I really dont understand why there is even judgement when it comes to this. I plan to nurse my little man as long as he needs and I refuse to let society have any say in that.
There is so much more that happens while I breastfeed then just feeding my baby:
1. Nothing beats skin to skin. Humans thrive on touch and stopping to gently stroke my sons face, and arms and rub his back is beautiful and fills both our tanks.
2. Its our time out from the world, it forces me to stop, sit and relax multiple times during our day.
3. We laugh, make faces, and funny noises. I wouldnt trade this silly time for anything.
4. It brings bryson so much comfort any time he has a meltdown, or hurts himself he asks to nurse, I love that Im the one who brings him great comfort.
5. Hello its FREE and so convenient
6. Bryson is not a huge fan of food and I can rest assured knowing he is getting what he needs threw breast milk. Did you know that breastfeeding past infancy has all these health benefits:
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
I find our culture to have a very "Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't" attitude towards breastfeeding. If you dont breastfeed your a bad mom, if you breastfeed to long your inappropriate, if you dont breastfeed long enough you failed, if you breastfeed out in public your unexceptable. The list goes on. My feeling towards this has always been this is between MY body and MY baby and has nothing to do with anybody else. I really could careless about what others think, breastfeeding has been happening since the beginning of time every human being before bottles were breastfed. I really dont understand why there is even judgement when it comes to this. I plan to nurse my little man as long as he needs and I refuse to let society have any say in that.
There is so much more that happens while I breastfeed then just feeding my baby:
1. Nothing beats skin to skin. Humans thrive on touch and stopping to gently stroke my sons face, and arms and rub his back is beautiful and fills both our tanks.
2. Its our time out from the world, it forces me to stop, sit and relax multiple times during our day.
3. We laugh, make faces, and funny noises. I wouldnt trade this silly time for anything.
4. It brings bryson so much comfort any time he has a meltdown, or hurts himself he asks to nurse, I love that Im the one who brings him great comfort.
5. Hello its FREE and so convenient
6. Bryson is not a huge fan of food and I can rest assured knowing he is getting what he needs threw breast milk. Did you know that breastfeeding past infancy has all these health benefits:
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
- 29% of energy requirements
- 43% of protein requirements
- 36% of calcium requirements
- 75% of vitamin A requirements
- 76% of folate requirements
- 94% of vitamin B12 requirements
- 60% of vitamin C requirements
Breastfeeding is whats best for Bryson and whats best for me I pray that I will be breastfeeding all my babies the majority of my twenties and thirties. It makes me feel human, makes me feel organic,makes me feel connected to other women, makes me feel so beautiful, like Im a mother earth and this is a very special gift motherhood has given me.
nite nite friends
Monday, July 8, 2013
CURRY!!
Here is my Thai Green Curry recipe beware Im so not a recipe type person, I hate exact measurements and like to just add what feels right so if your the type of person who needs everything perfect this recipe is not for you :) This makes and makes enough to feed 4 adults for 2 dinners, and lunch :)
Im also adding my this weeks meal plan to the bottom
Im also adding my this weeks meal plan to the bottom
1. Sauté green curry paste with ghee (or oil of your choice) for about 5 mins
Side note: every curry paste is different I usually had 1 tablespoon and keep adding if needed later
2. Add 5 cans Coconut milk (or less depending on how much you want to make) turn to medium heat and let simmer. Make sure to buy cans that are BPA free
3. Chop Veggies into small pieces I used all of these you can really add whatever you have. Add eggplant 1st let cook 10 mins before everything else If you have lime leaves you can also add them
4. Bring to a boil then turn to low heat
5. Taste test do you need more curry paste? Add it now I also add about half a cup of coconut sugar to mild down the spiciness and bring in nice flavor (you can really use whatever sugar you have)
6. let simmer until everything is cooked about 25 mins Poor over the rice of your choosing or in my case I put it over spaghetti squash.
7. ENJOY
This weeks Meals:
Tuesday: Hamburgers with sprouted buns and carrot sticks
Wednesday: Fish tacos
Thursday: BBQ Chicken, sweet potato Hash, kale salad
Friday: Spaghetti squash with tomato sauce and lamb meatballs
Saturday: Chicken legs, greek salad
Sunday: Omelets
Monday: Sausage, grilled peppers, grilled tomatoes, grilled onion on top of a yam
Im sick of my breakfast so Im starting to bake 1 egg in half a avocado YUM YUM
I also found a great new snack for Bryson I soak cashews overnight and them rinse them it makes them easier to chew and he loves them.
Also please make these cookies they are AWESOME
Nite nite Friends
Kirista
Saturday, July 6, 2013
fight or flight
I was recently out of town visiting family, my husband called one afternoon and told me he found a house we could rent for August 1st. It was June 25th and I wasn't going to be home till July 4th. We also were not planning on moving till next summer, so this came out of nowhere. If we wanted the house we would have to decide in the next couple days but we wouldn't be able to see the inside until I got back.
At 1st I thought ok let's do it we need a yard and not having 4 levels to scale up everyday would be nice. As I lay awake that night I started to go into fight or flight: I'm going to be so far from my grocery stores, and sea world, and our church, it's going to be SO HOT out there. I'm going to miss the beach how am i going to pack with a toddler in 3 weeks No No No I don't want to move!!!! I called my husband the second I woke up and told him all my thoughts. He said "honey your being negative"... I got off the phone frustrated I wasn't being negative I was being SCARED I was panicking.
I went to my mom in tears she calmly said "sweet heart I know how you feel I would feel the same way, but let's look at all the positive things". She listed them all and I instantly felt better, I instantly felt like I could breath. I realized that all my reading on parenting was truly right. For all we ever want as humans is to feel understood, to feel like someone has our back, that we are not alone. That's what new born babies need thats what my toddler needs when he is having a tantrum, it's what a 5 year old needs, it's what a teenager needs its what my 27 year old shelf needed. I was coming to my husband out of a place of fear I needed reassurance and LOVE and for him to say "honey I know how your feeling but I will protect us". I'm not writing this to point out where my husband is at fault because Ive done this many times before to him. It's so that maybe someone can understand that fight or flight equals fear. Maybe if we all just took a second to step back and think when our loved ones are acting out we could come back and respond with love and understanding changing the whole scenario for the positive and strengthening our relationships!
nite nite
Kirista
Friday, July 5, 2013
Transition
I find my biggest struggle in parenting is the constant transitions. I remember when Bryson turned one and my sweet easy going happy baby all of a sudden developed an opinion. This happened literally over night. I was so caught off guard I didn't know how to react he started hitting me when he was mad it kind of broke my heart. I remember being in tears after he looked me in the eyes and so aggressively pinched my face. I thought God what have I done? I dove into books again i read EVERYTHING about toddler brain development. You know what? I didn't do anything !! Bryson was simply blossoming as a individual and I needed to adjust my thinking to allow that to happen naturally. This went against everything I wanted to do as a mother I wanted to turn back the clock , lock us in a room and pray that time somehow wouldn't apply to us. I felt myself feeling almost like I was suffocating because my baby MY BABY was detaching from me. Nobody told me about this...... He is my baby he is apart of my body we are one! But i was wrong we aren't one we are two completely different human beings and as time passes that will become more and more evident. As a parent my job is help this be successful to allow every transition to be positive to help him thrive and to fight threw my fear. This is something that brings instant tears to my eyes but its life and if I want Bryson to become his best self then I need to give him space to do so. Lord please help me
I started thinking about how much children grow and change and are constantly learning. they are in a constant mode of stretching their abilities and challenging their very existence. I can't help but think that we are never supposed to stop having transitions. That we are supposed to be constantly learning and growing. Why as adults do we get stagnant? Kids don't have comfort zones they stretch to their capacity zone. so why don't we continue to do so? Maybe if I'm constantly stretching myself past my comfort zone and reaching new transitions asking myself what can I become? Maybe Bryson's transitions won't be such a difficult thing for me.
Editor James Terry White Observed: "Nature has everywhere written her protest against idleness; everything which ceases to struggle, which remains inactive, rapidly deteriorates. It is the struggle, which remains inactive, rapidly deteriorates. It is the struggle toward an ideal, the constant effort to get higher and further, which develops manhood and character."
This is me thinking out loud!
Nite nite friends
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
My parenting Philosophy
The phrase: when the student is ready the teacher appears was beyond true in my journey as a new mom. Sitting in the hospital holding my couple hour old baby me and my husband were desperately trying to give him a name we finally decided on Bryson Robert Berry. My husband turns to me and says honey when he is in trouble you can yell BRYSON ROBERT BERRY!!! I looked at him and said "I could never yell at him honey" My new found ferocious love that consumed every inch of my soul couldn't possibly imagine ever being mad at this perfect little being. I knew I needed to learn, I knew I would need help but I was determined to keep this feeling alive. I met Rachel Rainbolt and at last I found my teacher she would then introduce me to this world that finally made sense that finally sat well with my soul. I devoured her book sage parenting I finally had the confidence to not listen to what the world was telling me, to go with my gut and thats where my philosophy started to unfold that I will forever and always parent my son with Empathy.
I think when you start seeing your child with empathetic lenses they look different to you. I started to look at the world from his perspective, I started to see him as a human being not a baby. I realized that the behavior will one day fade and the relationship will be whats left of how I handled the behavior. His cries in the middle of the night was my scared son who had been loved and cuddled 24 hours a day in my tummy for 9 months who was now in a dark room all alone and his only way of communicating with me was crying. So many people told me to let him cry it out that he was manipulating me that he should never go in my bed it would ruin my marriage and he would be in there forever. Thank God I never listened, thank God i trusted myself enough to respect my son and what he needed. Some of my most cherished moments with my son are in my bed, waking up nose to nose breathing in his very existence. Now as a toddler when my son is having a hard time I see a boy having a hard time who is so desperately in need of loving help. He isn't a brat, or controlling, or trying to runin my day. His brain isnt developed he needs to be shown how to act not punished. I think sometimes we hold such high expectations over our children like they aren't supposed to have bad days, or whine, and just cant be grumpy but its perfectly acceptable for an adult to be. If I want my son to show me kindness then I have to show him kindness, not sometimes, not most of the time, ALL the time. Is this easy? No I have to stop and remind myself to breath I repeat over and over again in my head "I am the voice of calm and peace, I set the tone for our house". I have to take ownership for myself! The way we react to our children is a choice bryson isnt making me mad I can very well choose to stay calm. I dont want him learning this at 27 I want him to grow up knowing it because thats all he has ever been shown. This is emotional intelligence, this is far more important to me then learning the ABC's or how to ride a bike. Its what will set the tone for his whole life, how he will respond to the world.
"Listen earnestly to anything your children wants to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff". This is my motto every emotion my son feels is okay with me and is a big deal I take it seriously when he is scared or upset. I dont laugh or tell him he is ok.... He isnt ok he is upset or scared. This doesnt mean I over exaggerate or blow it out of proportion I go off of what he is feeling not me. He was recently super scared about flies (I think its cause he thought they were bees) So anytime he was playing outside and started to cry because a fly wouldnt leave him alone I would kneel down next to him and say " I see the fly is upsetting you, do you not want him around?" and he would shake his head yes so I would say "ummmm I wonder how we can get him to go away? Maybe we can say go away fly and move our hand around" I would stay close by so if a fly would come around i could help him do that. He isnt afraid of flies anymore and has no problem saying go go go when a fly or a bee comes around. I didnt have to make him feel stupid and say oh my goodness its just a fly dont act like such a baby. I helped him problem solve so that he learned how to not be scared anymore.
I really believe that children dont want to misbehave, I believe there is alway a underlining issue (hunger, tiered, in need of attention, connection issues, problem at school etc) My 18 month old is not capable of thinking I really want to be bad right now so Im going to hit the dog. He is overcome with emotion has no idea what to do with it so he looses control of himself. OR he is curious of how I will react to him when touching the light socket after being told "no touch". Yelling or throwing him in timeout or spanking doesnt help his brain learn what not to do, or how to handle himself. When I mess up and if my husband yells at me or shuts himself off emotionally from me it doesnt help me learn it makes me feel disconnected, unloveable, resentful, and makes me down on myself. Im 27 can you imagine what a child would think when its coming from the one person they love most in this world, who they rely on for their survival? In a resent study American kids were asked why they should't hit the dog. The majority said because they would get in trouble. That's alarming!!! I mean if you really think about it as you got older and you were going to do something you shouldn't do did you think I shouldnt do this because I'll get in trouble? or did you think I shouldnt do this because I can cause pain to someone and its not the right thing to do? By using punishment do we really teach our children the difference between whats right and wrong? Or are we just controlling their thought process with fear? Rachel Rainbolt the author of sage parenting says she wants to raise free thinkers not obedient children. That speaks to me THAT makes sense. I want my son to apologize not because Ive made him say sorry so many times he feels he must say it, I want him to say it because he genuinely understands what he did and feels sorry. I dont want him to follow what I say because "I said so" and if he doesnt he will be in trouble. I want him to have such a strong connection with me of a relationship that is built on mutual respect and love that he WANTS to behave. Will he always listen? Of course not, will he get off track? Of course he is human, but when the foundation to our relationships is connection getting back on track doesnt have to be a power struggle.
So does this mean I let my son do whatever he wants and get away with everything? Not at all. Kids need boundaries in order to feel safe. So I do what Dr. Laura from Ahaparenting.com says: set empathetic limits. I LOVE her web site and her book peaceful parent happy child. I read her blog everyday it continually helps me change my thoughts and change my words for the better. When I have to leave the house and bryson is busy playing I always put myself in his world and respect what he is doing. I get down to his level comment on his project "wow buddy mommy sees you working hard on that tower, you look like your really having fun with that". "In about 2 minuets mommy really needs your help to get out of the door we need to go get groceries, can you help me with that?" If he says no then I say " I know its hard to leave things that we are having fun with but mommy really needs to get groceries and you can work on this when we get back" In 2 minutes I say "okay sweets its time to go" He usually has no problem coming but if he did and he hit me I would hold his hand and say "hitting hurts and its never ok to hit, hands are for being gentle, I understand its hard to leave your toys. Would you like to pick a small toy to bring with us for the car?" Im not rewarding him for hitting me Im filling a need.
This type of parenting is hard it takes self control, TONS of patience, and a lot of changing on my part. But the best things in life are never free they take a lot of blood sweat and tears and I believe my relationship with my son is worth it. My prayer is that he grows up feeling cherished, valued and respected. That he doesnt just know that I adore him but that he FEELS it, that he feels that no matter what NO MATTER WHAT I love him with all of my heart. He is a miracle he is my gift from God and I have my whole life to show him that everyday. As a christian I try and think about what Jesus would have been like if he was dad, he was so kind and compassionate, so warm and powerful. So slow to anger but quick with grace. I feel like if i did something that didnt please him he would gently touch my face and say "my child I love you, you bring me great joy and nothing you do can ever change that" Thats what I want for my son and I will live everyday trying to be better.
xoxo
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
12 things I changed in 2013
Half of 2013 is over I feel like asking time..... Are you sure? It just goes by far to fast that it makes me want to stop and scream HOLD YOUR HORSES IM NOT READY!! But I have to suck it up and carry on. On the quest to become my best self I had to make some changes and I will continue to have to make changes, I needed to take action over my life to do what I said I was going to do. I want to look back on my life and say I became all that I could. To do so the secret lies in my daily habits, the book the slight edge says doing little things everyday become big things over time. Today I am reflecting on those:
1. I started reflecting: Reflection after learning is vital. If you dont stop and ask yourself how can I apply this? It will go away with the wind.
2. I became Journey focused instead of destination focused: I used to read books and count the pages till the chapter was done. I wanted the satisfaction of finishing a book, instead of learning all that I could from it. Now I read books and sometimes Ill read one page and it speaks so much to me I'll read it 3 times. Im reading to learn Im enjoying the process of growing and Im not in a hurry to get there, because there is no such thing as "there".
3. When I set a goal I mean it: I used to always write down my goals and then a month would go by and I hadn't done what I said I was going to do so I would get discouraged and quit. This isn't allowed anymore if I say Im going to stretch everyday and its midnight and I want to go to bed I stretch anyway because I said I was going to and I feel so much better about myself afterward.
4. I am fixing my back : I was born with a hump in my spine, being 5'9 didnt help and I slouched on top of it. Kids always called me the hunchback of notre dame (nice right?) I then got in 2 car accidents and have been in constant pain for almost 10 years. Every year I would say next year Ill focus on my back then I would make an excuse why it wasnt a good time. This year no more excuses, Ive been going to the chiropractor for a month and half, stretching EVERYDAY, and doing exercise's for it. The saying things get worse before they get better couldnt be more true, Ive had some days where picking up bryson was almost impossible. I had to dig deep and push threw it and Im so glad Im doing it. Ive seen BIG results already and cant wait to share before and afters at the end of the year.
5. I stopped watching reality T.V: We dont have cable but I would watch Keeping up with the kardashians, or housewives on the computer. I finally got sick of it and thought "this is'nt doing anything for me and is a huge waste of time". Brett and I will watch 45 mins of T.V at night together to unwind before bed. Im ok with that and hope to one day to only watch it once and awhile.
6. I started Oil pulling: In a quest to heal my mouth I listened to a seminar with the top holistic dentists across the country, it was fascinating. One speaker talked about how oil pulling changed his life, I had never heard of it before but I was intrigued. I did my own research and found what he was saying to be true. Its basically an age old practice of swishing oil around in your mouth for at least 10 mins, this pulls toxins out of your body and binds them to the oil. Some benefits include: great oral health, whiter teeth, pink gums, fresh breath. Its great for joint pain, sinus congestion, bad skin, chronic illness's, the list goes on. Ive been doing it everyday for 2 months and my gums no longer bleed when I floss.
7. We switched to cloth diapers: I am so mad we didnt do this sooner, I LOVE cloth diapers. NO more chemicals, better for the environment, save a ton of money, makes potty training easier.
8. I take my vitamins EVERYDAY: I used to take my vitamins once and awhile sometimes Id go weeks without taking them. Its been 6 months and I have not missed one day, they are my insurance and I believe totally vital for great health. Not all vitamins are created equal and I found a brand that I LOVE so I started selling them you can buy them here
9. I read everyday: I read once that you will become like the people you hang out with and the books you read. So everyday Ive been reading good books to help develop myself.
10. I'm simplifying my life: Im cutting out the crap and only leaving room for what matters. Im developing systems to try and utilize my time more efficiently so I can do more. This is a work in progress and still sometimes gets the best of me. But Im positive Ill master this at some point as long as I keep working on it.
11. I started a blog: Ive been thinking about doing this for a long time and just kept putting it off. This is a way for me to reflect, gage my progress, see my success's, and keeps me accountable. It will also be so cool to look back year after year at all the entries.
12. I started connecting with people: I want my son to be really confident when talking to people so that means I have to be. I promised myself that when I go places I would look people in the eye, smile and say hello how are you? I find so often i would go about my day busy running around not really noticing all these beautiful people around me. Ive met some really neat people in the process, learned a lot watching others, and am more aware of whats going on around me.
What are somethings you've been telling yourself that you want to do but just haven't made time for?
nite nite friends
4. I am fixing my back : I was born with a hump in my spine, being 5'9 didnt help and I slouched on top of it. Kids always called me the hunchback of notre dame (nice right?) I then got in 2 car accidents and have been in constant pain for almost 10 years. Every year I would say next year Ill focus on my back then I would make an excuse why it wasnt a good time. This year no more excuses, Ive been going to the chiropractor for a month and half, stretching EVERYDAY, and doing exercise's for it. The saying things get worse before they get better couldnt be more true, Ive had some days where picking up bryson was almost impossible. I had to dig deep and push threw it and Im so glad Im doing it. Ive seen BIG results already and cant wait to share before and afters at the end of the year.
5. I stopped watching reality T.V: We dont have cable but I would watch Keeping up with the kardashians, or housewives on the computer. I finally got sick of it and thought "this is'nt doing anything for me and is a huge waste of time". Brett and I will watch 45 mins of T.V at night together to unwind before bed. Im ok with that and hope to one day to only watch it once and awhile.
6. I started Oil pulling: In a quest to heal my mouth I listened to a seminar with the top holistic dentists across the country, it was fascinating. One speaker talked about how oil pulling changed his life, I had never heard of it before but I was intrigued. I did my own research and found what he was saying to be true. Its basically an age old practice of swishing oil around in your mouth for at least 10 mins, this pulls toxins out of your body and binds them to the oil. Some benefits include: great oral health, whiter teeth, pink gums, fresh breath. Its great for joint pain, sinus congestion, bad skin, chronic illness's, the list goes on. Ive been doing it everyday for 2 months and my gums no longer bleed when I floss.
7. We switched to cloth diapers: I am so mad we didnt do this sooner, I LOVE cloth diapers. NO more chemicals, better for the environment, save a ton of money, makes potty training easier.
8. I take my vitamins EVERYDAY: I used to take my vitamins once and awhile sometimes Id go weeks without taking them. Its been 6 months and I have not missed one day, they are my insurance and I believe totally vital for great health. Not all vitamins are created equal and I found a brand that I LOVE so I started selling them you can buy them here
9. I read everyday: I read once that you will become like the people you hang out with and the books you read. So everyday Ive been reading good books to help develop myself.
10. I'm simplifying my life: Im cutting out the crap and only leaving room for what matters. Im developing systems to try and utilize my time more efficiently so I can do more. This is a work in progress and still sometimes gets the best of me. But Im positive Ill master this at some point as long as I keep working on it.
11. I started a blog: Ive been thinking about doing this for a long time and just kept putting it off. This is a way for me to reflect, gage my progress, see my success's, and keeps me accountable. It will also be so cool to look back year after year at all the entries.
12. I started connecting with people: I want my son to be really confident when talking to people so that means I have to be. I promised myself that when I go places I would look people in the eye, smile and say hello how are you? I find so often i would go about my day busy running around not really noticing all these beautiful people around me. Ive met some really neat people in the process, learned a lot watching others, and am more aware of whats going on around me.
What are somethings you've been telling yourself that you want to do but just haven't made time for?
nite nite friends
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